


Breathe, baby, breathe

by Magalona



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Broken-hearted Loki, Did I mention that I was a tag addict, Dubious Consent, Dubious Morality, F/M, For narrative reasons Tony is a douche in the story, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Loki-centric, M/M, Nerd Loki, Teen Angst, Though I actually like Tony Stark, White knight Thor, Whola lotta smut..., asthmatic Loki, football star Thor, unrequited love that becomes mutual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-20
Updated: 2017-02-17
Packaged: 2018-08-23 16:13:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8334064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magalona/pseuds/Magalona
Summary: A try for teenage Loki and Thor ! Asthmatic teen genius Loki falls in love with playboy Tony. A questionable relationship... But here comes American football star Thor !
Yes, i'm writting dumb things. Don't shoot me.Thank you for reading !





	1. Chapter One

When Loki Laufeyson met Tony Stark, the son of his father's business partner, he thought all his prayers had been answered.  
Tony Stark corresponded to all his secret desires and more. He couldn't believe his eyes. 

Loki was the youngest (and most frail) son of a wealthy banker from the west coast. Loki was born and bred elite but he barely fitted in. He had two older brothers that didn't have a tenth of Loki's intellectual capacities but had tremendous skills where American football was concerned.  
For the people of their world, sometimes that was all that mattered and so they were the darlings of their parents. 

Loki was just the nerd. Not that he couldn’t be helpful and that his brilliance was not repeatedly appraised by his peers, he only came second. Or at least, that was how he felt.  
Worse, he had a terrible asthma that sometimes made him feel like he was going to die. It had been hell as a child but now, as a teenager, it had calmed down. Yet, it was still a painful hindrance for any kind of physical activity. 

He had more or less accepted it. Actually, whether he accepted it or not was secondary. There was nothing he could do right now to change it. He hoped to be quickly independent and to start his own business in top engineering, to build an empire all of his own, fit to rival his father's.  
But it would be long before he could do that. 

In the meantime, he saw his brothers indulging themselves in competitions, victories followed by orgies with their team which were not alcohol-free most of the time and where female company was abundant.  
It was quite normal for Loki to glimpse the chaos in both his brothers' room as well as the stench and to help a lost girl with big boobs, blond hair, a bad hangover and not much maturity to find her way to a cab and go home.  
He envied those girls and their easiness, he envied his brothers' popularity only because it allowed them to meet those kind of girls. He knew deep inside that it wouldn't last and that, one day, his brothers would become fat and bitter, being dutifully married to the correct person, having bred the expected two children and doing a proper job at Daddy's bank. 

Like so many, they would wake up one morning, wondering where did their youth go. Maybe Loki would do the same but not without a fight. 

Yet one day, when Loki was finishing high school, one of the less brilliant-minded of his brothers' crowd brought a dvd of gay porn, just to have a laugh. Loki was absolutely disgusted by the vulgar cheering and crude comments the posse made out loud, taking advantage of Loki's parents' absence.  
It was outrageous. He wanted to tell them that if they were interested by this kind of movie, they should seriously question their sexuality. Yet, he was outnumbered and would have ended locked out, naked and cold in the swimming pool for all the neighbors to see.  
Their idea of a good joke...

And something happened. Something that would change Loki forever. 

In fact, his brothers and their dumb friends were having forced and hysterical laughs only because deep down, they were embarrassed. There wasn't much of a plot, like all porn movies, just a story about young cowboys, on their own, in the country.  
But each time a sexy scene started and the older cowboy was seducing the younger one, Loki had a jolt that went from his heart, through his stomach to settle on his groin. The older cowboy was a sort of hunk with very dark hair that could be seen on his arms and chest. 

Seeing him, Loki wished he was in the younger cowboy's place. 

From this moment on, Loki realized he was aware of male bodies. Especially buff ones with black hair.  
One of his brothers' friends was a handsome and dark-haired linebacker with a foul mouth. Loki knew he was better seen than heard, having no more common sense than an oyster.  
But Loki couldn't help trying to imagine him naked and to touch him.  
One of his brothers made him a remark that staring at the handsome (but moronic) linebacker like that was suspicious and rude and Loki endeavored to be more cautious. 

He was gay in a house that wasn't very gay-friendly. 

It wasn't that his parents and brothers were openly homophobiacs. It was just that it was not their world and it was better far away from them. They simply didn't understand it.  
And Loki had absolutely no idea how they would react to the news of their youngest liking men. 

****

Everything happened as Loki was finishing high school. 

There was a party for some reason at his father's partner's home. Some good contract or whatever. Loki was there on his own with his parents. His brothers had managed to escape the chore with the excuse of an impromptu training commanded by their coaches. So Loki had to deal with the trial of meeting obnoxious, tasteless businessmen and their vulgar wives, all of them congested with alcohol and talking too loud altogether.  
Loki was thinking he should get ready to have a nice little headache before going to bed when he saw him. 

He was the same age as Loki but he was already sporting a mustache to match his raven-black hair, similar to Loki's. He looked manly and grown already, contrary to Loki who still felt like an awkward teenager.  
He was laughing and chatting easily with everyone. So young and already acting like a man of the world. He was quite the charmer and Loki was already mesmerized. He didn't even try to fight it...

As they were the younger boys, Tony ultimately left his crowd of sexy, but already drunk on martinis, mature women that literally worshiped him to talk to Loki. It was hard to get into a conversation not only because of the noise, but because Loki couldn't help himself following the movement of Tony's cupid bow, still visible under the mustache, as he spoke.  
“Boring, huh ? Wanna get out ?” He said, with a dashing smile. Loki silently nodded and followed. Tony could have asked him to jump from a cliff and Loki would have said yes...

Tony invited Loki for a ride in his beautiful new Porsche. Loki was not that much impressed by the car, his brothers had pretty good rides themselves, but he was by the moonlight, the landscape of trees and metal-looking sea, and Tony and his incredible smile, and his incredible hair waving with the wind and his incredible hands on the wheel and wondered what would they feel on his skin...

With Tony, Loki truly felt what desire was. It was a blessing and a burden for Tony would never have any kind of romantic interest in nerdy, skinny Loki...

****

Loki and Tony started hanging out to everybody's and Loki's amazement. Tony, the local Golden Boy, haunting hip places with Loki-the-geek... Unbelievable. 

Loki had the fun of his life. Even if it was in Tony's shadow, following Tony around was a thrill. Meeting important people of their world who wouldn't have even noticed Loki, being listened to, being respected and not tolerated as second best because you are someone's son or brother...  
It went on for some weeks. Heavenly weeks that Loki was ready to take as it went. He had fallen in love with Tony.  
But, for sure, it was impossible for Tony to ever fall in love with Loki. 

Tony was surrounded by girls, women, married or not. Quite like Loki's brothers but, as he had more class and education, Tony's harem was much more sophisticated. Tony's latest girlfriend had been a German supermodel who now worked in Paris and London... Tony's glamorous world blinded Loki.  
He had resigned himself to settle down with a one-sided love. It was better than telling Tony all about it and being rejected for good. The very idea of not to see Tony ever again made Loki sick. That was the extend of his infatuation for his golden boy.  
Loki was absolutely sure that Tony had absolutely no idea of what was going on with his friend. Loki had learned from the dark-haired linebacker's days that it was better to hide his feelings deep down inside. 

But it wasn't so deep that Tony wouldn't guess something. When Loki thought Tony wasn't paying attention, Loki allowed himself to caress his friend's figure with one tiny peek.  
Except that ultimately, Tony knew he was doing so. 

****

One afternoon, after school, (as many children from their world, they frequented the same private school), they were alone in Tony's room, listening to Tony's newest sound system and his latest favorite songs. Loki had a beer in his hand (it was Tony who had introduced him to the world of under-aged drinking and he couldn't help feeling both guilty and thrilled by that...) and had his eyes closed against the silk cushions of Tony's sofa.  
He was content. He was basking in the comfort of the pillows and the softness of the music. It was simply peaceful and perfect. 

Then he felt the brush of lips against his. 

He opened his eyes as big as they could. Tony had moved noiselessly without Loki noticing,... He was now crawling near Loki and kissing him.  
Loki made a jump. He couldn't be more surprised if the roof had fallen on their heads.  
“Wh-What are you doing ?”  
Tony made a smile Loki would have recognized if he wasn't in such a state of shock. It was what Tony called his wolf smile, “100% guaranteed to make the broads fall for you !” he used to gloat about it.  
“Wanna do it, baby ?” Tony purred. Again it was a tone he used on the girls he tried to seduce (and very rarely failed). Again, Loki was too shocked to realize it.  
“D-do what ?” Loki shivered. That was totally unexpected. He wasn't sure of what was going on. He had absolutely no experience in seduction. He was terrified and wanted Tony to stop.  
Tony frowned as if Loki's response was not what he expected.  
“Hey, baby, relax.” He murmured in a way that was supposed to be enthralling but was just scary. “Let Daddy take good care of you...”  
Tony tried to reach out a hand to Loki and that was a mistake for Loki felt cornered and trapped. He slapped Tony's hand, got on his feet, grabbed his stuff and ran away as if the house was on fire.  
He didn't even know why or what he was running away from like crazy...

****

Loki felt so very stupid the next morning.  
He didn't now what was the most embarrassing. Having left Tony dry or having had unspeakable erotic dreams about Tony and himself the following night ...  
Loki was heartbroken for he knew now that Tony wouldn't even acknowledge him. He had spurned his best friend's advances. Loki didn't understand his own attitude. He was in love with Tony for god's sakes ! Why would he be so nervous if Tony was okay about it ?  
Yet when Tony had come forward, instead of happiness, Loki had only felt unspeakable terror. Something in Tony's way of seducing him was disturbing and Loki was incapable of saying what it could be.  
Whatever. The consequences were the same.  
He had lost his best friend by acting like a silly little goose. He was desperate, ashamed and frustrated. 

So, at the end of a worrying and stressful day, when Loki received a text from Tony, asking him if he could meet him after class, he thought someone had heard his prayers. Maybe everything would be all right... 

Loki was less joyful when he saw Tony's face. Tony was clearly angry. His lips were tight and he had a bad sparkle in his eyes. Loki shivered. Whatever what was going on with them both, it was over now. 

“I thought you liked me.” Tony started without even greeting Loki properly. His tone was full of resentment.  
“I...” Loki didn't know what to say.  
“I mean, I like you, you like me. Where's the big deal ?!” His voice went high but not enough so no one would notice they were having a fight.  
“I... You like me ?” Loki couldn't believe his ears. His most intimate dreams came true in the worst way possible.  
Tony made a pouting face that Loki would have thought funny and childish wasn't he so confused.  
“Yep, but apparently you decided to chicken out on me. You are really just a little kid ! I wasted my time on a damn brat !”  
That one definitely hurt. Loki prided himself on being more mature and smarter than many of their age. Tony knew it and Loki should have smelled the rat, had he been more calm. Instead, as Tony probably counted it, he flared up.  
“I am not a kid !!” Loki screamed then lowered his tone, afraid bystanders might hear. “I am just... Just...” He stammered, his mind was a mess. “I am just a bit confused... It happened so fast... I”  
He actually did feel childish and stupid now. If only he could think clearly... Tony's anger made him feel guilty. As if he was the one at fault.  
“ 'I am confused' !” Tony cruelly mimicked. “ 'It happened so fast' ! Do you hear yourself ? You sound like a girl !” Tony turned around without a last disdainful glance. “I have no time to lose with girly-girl kids.”  
Loki heart broke into a thousand pieces. The pain was so harsh he almost stopped breathing.  
“Tony ! Wait !” He tried to scream and grab his friend's hand. His throat was starting to burn, acknowledged sign of a coming asthma crisis. Loki hated himself for being so weak and needy but he had to get Tony back.  
Hearing Loki's voice growing faint with the lack of air, Tony finally turned around with a very cold eye.  
“When you have finally decided to act like a man, you can come to my place.”  
And with those last words he left Loki. Loki fell on his knees and barely managed to get his breath back. 

****

Loki spent the rest of the day in his room locked and mute, unable to think of something else but his dismay. 

Had he been more experienced he would have guessed what was really going on. But being so unaware of the ways of the world and having led a rather sheltered life so far, Loki couldn't see through the schemes of the one he thought to be his friend.  
The only thing he could see was that he was losing Tony. He wasn't thinking about the lifestyle and consideration he was getting from their relationship, it was not much of value in Loki's eyes, but the only opportunity he had to see and talk to his loved one daily he feared to lose. He had given up the hope of ever seducing Tony and now all his desires could be either fulfilled or taken away at once... He only had a vague idea of what Tony wanted from him. But he wasn't sure if he wanted it to or not...  
The day was passing by and he couldn't make any decision. 

When he finally took the road to Tony's place, it was out of habit. He was still lost.  
Tony opened the door but he still had his stern face. He was looking at Loki the same way his brothers did the last time he tried to tell his parents he had won the first place in almost every topic in class. With disdain and boredom. It broke whatever was left of Loki's heart.  
“Yeah ? What ?”  
If Loki wasn't so in love he would have said to this rude bastard to stuff it where the sun doesn't shine. But now, he was nothing but a heap of emotional jell-o. These cold words would have been enough to make him drop on his knees and beg for forgiveness. The worst was that he had no clear idea about what he had done to deserve this treatment.  
“So ? What do you want ?”  
Loki made an embarrassed smile, the “please-don't-hurt-me” kind that made the corners of your mouth twitch painfully.  
“Are your parents out ?” Loki softly asked. 

Tony had invited him to his bedroom. Loki knew the way as he had come many times for a reason or another. Tony was indeed alone. Loki had seen Tony's parents only on one occasion. Mrs. Stark was rather nice but clearly stuck in the same addictions as the other married women Loki knew. Mr. Stark was simply a very cold and indifferent person. Loki couldn't believe he was almost sorry they were not present.  
For the first time, Tony's room didn't feel like a haven of peace and friendship, it felt like a trap.  
If Tony's intentions weren't totally clear at first, seeing him starting to undress made them crystal-like. Loki found it weird that he had to turn his back on Loki to do so.  
He kept his pants, turned around and gave Loki a surprised look.  
“What are you waiting for ? Get naked !”  
Tony laughed as if Loki was goofing around. Except that the latter just wanted to disappear in the room's floor for shame. Getting naked ? Tony had a perfectly sculpted torso, almost like a model while Loki still looked like an unfinished teen. How could he compare ? How could Tony be attracted to him ?  
His face red hot, he complied nonetheless. Anything to please Tony, to make him happy...  
Even if Loki felt as if his own needs, his dignity and reserve were trampled upon. 

****

He was naked and spreadeagled on the bed.  
Tony was looking at him. More than that, he was detailing him. Loki felt so exposed and vulnerable he was starting to panic. He was not ready for this and he was indeed forcing himself but the fear of losing Tony was stronger than anything. He was cold but did not dare to complain.  
Tony was not even touching him, he was staring. Not with disdain but... in a detached way. At one point he gently patted Loki's thigh to make him open his legs a little bit more to inspect the middle. Loki complied but he was mortified. He didn't feel like a lover admired by his beloved...  
Rather like a sack of meat considered by a client...  
“You're thinner than I thought...” Tony murmured absentmindedly.  
As if Loki was not in the room. At this point, he was more or less conscious that the only intelligent thing to do would have been to grab his stuff, get dressed and get out of here for good.  
But Loki was in love, unsure of himself and ready to do anything stupid...

Then, once he considered himself sufficiently satisfied with his inspection, Tony asked Loki to turn around. That helped Loki to hide his burning face on a fresh pillow. He heard a sharp noise, like the lid of a tube being pulled out then set back into place. Loki had no idea of what Tony could ever be doing.  
Then he felt an intrusion that made him gasp brutally. Tony just soothed him by a hand on the back of the neck but didn't stop from prodding with his fingers. Loki didn't like it, it felt weird and his body resisted. It wasn't exactly painful but it was making him uncomfortable...  
“What are you doing ?” Loki breathed.  
“Something to loosen you up...” Tony said without much explanation.  
Loki realized that Tony was fingering him. Loki would have wanted him to stop but he felt really heavy and numb. It was easier to let him do whatever he wanted than try to escape it. 

“I think you are ready.” Tony said after an awfully long moment. Loki wondered what he was supposed to be ready for and how could Tony know if he was or not ?  
Loki heard the sound of a zip. It was the scariest sound ever to him. Something in his throat was stuck. He wanted to say that he didn't want any of that, not like this anyway, but the burn was back and if he tried to talk, he would start to choke on his own breath.  
Before he could think of anything, he felt something was penetrating him and a sharp stab of pain as Tony slowly took him. Loki felt his eyes about to burst into tears.  
It wasn't painful but certainly humiliating. Loki felt the tears falling with each of Tony's movements. Tony was not brutal, rather gentle but he could have been masturbating for all Loki felt. It was as if he was the only one indulged in the act. To Loki, being taken felt as pleasurable as if he had put his finger in his nose or his ear. Aside from feeling the intrusion, there was nothing else.  
He just hoped Tony wouldn't notice he was shedding silent tears.  
Tony came with a grunt and remained a little dizzy and motionless after that. He was still in Loki but the latter didn't care anymore. It gave him time to wipe his face.  
“That was great.” Tony murmured. “You ?”  
Loki simply nodded. Unable to do otherwise. 

****

The rest came fast. After a rather hasty kiss, Tony told Loki to get home before the Starks would arrive. He could take the limo. 

Inside the car, Loki was numb. Luckily, he didn't cry again for he didn't want any comment from the chauffeur. But the way home seemed longer than ever.  
Only once Loki was alone in the safety of his bedroom that he allowed himself to bawl his eyes out as silently as possible. He didn't want his family to suspect anything.  
The worst was that he knew that all of this was terribly wrong. Yet, he felt that he would loose Tony if he didn't do it. 

For some time, everything seemed to be back to normal. Tony went back to his usual merry self and he dated Loki the exact way they used to. Loki breathed again.  
The only discomfort was that sometimes Tony would demand Loki in his bed. And he didn't dare to refuse.  
Loki simply clenched his teeth and hid his face not to show Tony how unpleasant it was. In fact, Tony only liked it with Loki on his belly, face on the pillow so he could move all he wanted. They occasionally kissed but they never hugged or caressed each other. Besides, Tony always reminded Loki how discreet they had to be.  
During those... sessions, Loki, again, felt no pain but no pleasure either. He spent the time escaping his body inside his own mind while Tony was coming in and out of it and then climaxing inside. Luckily, he always used condoms. It made Loki feel less dirty.  
Once it was done, Loki had to smile and kiss Tony and tell him how good he was. 

It went on for a couple of months. Loki persuaded himself that there was nothing to be done. He lived for the moment even if those moments were heavy on his mind.  
Luckily, as Tony got a few more exams, the sex sessions got rarer. But the dating sessions did too and it was excruciating for Loki.  
But, once again what could he do ? Tony had a life and so did Loki as Tony liked to remember him often. Except that now Loki's life was quite full of Tony Stark and his own scholar results were suffering from it.  
But Loki had no strength to do better. 

Then, one day, Tony told Loki he had to go on a trip for a few days. Loki was strangely both sad and relieved. It gave him time to focus on something else than his obsession for his friend.  
They parted as such, Tony gave him a fond smile and a handshake. No more, no less as he stepped inside the limo, waving goodbye.  
Loki remained on the sidewalk and, like that, Tony was gone. 

He had not once told Loki if he loved him or not, nor where their strange relationship would lead them. 

Days passed without any news from Tony. Loki tried not to mind. Tony had told him he would be very busy in Europe following his parents through that boring tour of theirs. In a way, it wasn't so bad. Loki was back on his usual routine and it did him some good. It gave him also time to try and decipher what happened between him and Tony. He guessed things could not go on like that eternally. They had to have a serious conversation as soon as Tony got back. 

Tony was gone for a few weeks. That day, Loki went down to have breakfast with his mother. His father had brought his brothers early for an important training or whatever. It had been a long time since they've been together. He had affection for her but he didn't trust her enough to confide in her about all that happened to him lately. She really thought gay and lesbian people were under some sort of delusion that psychiatrists could heal. 

She was reading the morning papers as she greeted her son, finding him too skinny once again. She had the feeling something was amiss with him but it was hard talking to him. Sometimes it felt as if she had given birth to an alien. That strange child of hers she didn't understand... She sighed. She looked at him making his usual buttered toast. It was easier when they were all babies she thought once again. Their needs were annoying but much more simpler to satisfy.  
She was looking for a subject to start the conversation with and found it quite conveniently in the day's news.  
“Loki, honey... Have you heard about your charming friend, that darling boy Tony Stark ?”  
“No, Mother, I didn't.”  
She was surprised by her son's voice. It sounded... repressed, shy. Not like her son at all. Was his asthma coming back ? She remembered with terror Loki in hospital at five years old choking on his own breath, unable to gulp some air, terrified of dying like this and begging her to make it stop with his eyes.  
“Well, you will, honey ! Guess what, he's getting married ! He's been secretly engaged for months to this adorable girl, Pepper Potts, (you know her, her parents invited us to that amazing garden party last summer...) and they will be married next year just before college ! It's so romantic but a little hasty, don't you think ? But, oh, well... They can afford it, I guess... And that girl must be pregnant... I can't see any other reason to be in such a hurry. Do you think you'll be best man ? Loki ? Loki ?! What's wrong with you, where are you going ?!?”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks ! Thank you for your support. No smut yet but main character introduction ! Have fun !

He had tried everything.   
He had scanned the Internet, the papers, the blogs, facebook, twitter, any kind of media possible...   
He had asked questions all around. Discreetly, of course. He had tried not to sound suspicious.  
He had smiled and acted as his perfect usual self while the knifes inside his chest were ripping him apart.  
Everywhere, everyone, no matter how hard he searched, it was the same answer every time...

Tony was about to get married to Virginia “Pepper” Potts. One of the most popular “Golden girls” of their very private circle of rich, idle and spoiled brats.

They had been engaged since last summer.   
Meaning that while Tony was fucking him up the ass for weeks, he had his dumb redhead fiancée waiting for him in New York.   
They had been engaged for six. Fucking. Months.   
And Tony had been sodomizing one of his male friends for the last two.   
Maybe he was fucking them both at the same period of time. That was why the bitch was up in the duff. 

Loki wanted to scream. To scream until his throat burst, to scream until the medics came and brought him to some mental asylum to be locked up forever. To scream to all asunder what had happened and the lie he was forced into.   
But such a liberating scream was forbidden and stuck in his throat for good.   
He was constantly choking now. He was back in his childhood days, stuck in his bed and trying to breathe, watched by unknown, stern nurses, while his brothers were up and running under the summer sky, encouraged by their parents. Alone in their too much big house, isolated in sickness. Forgotten.   
Abandoned. Discarded.  
Lost in his own private hell. 

 

****  
The days since Tony's departure stretched to weeks, then to months...  
Loki, in desperation, had made some small attempts of contacting Tony, by emailing him or texting some casual, non-threatening messages.   
He had tried neutrality, so that Tony wouldn't feel pressured. He had tried being humble and nice while thinking that he should have sent a letter of the most crude and direct insults and send a copy to the radiant bride and their parents just to tell Tony a tiny piece of his mind...  
But he simply couldn't. What he wanted was some piece of decent explanation... So Loki felt as if he was acting like a groveling coward.   
There was nothing else to do, or so he thought. 

There would be no answer. Ever. 

That silence finally killed what remained of Loki's heart.   
Tony had dumped him. He had used him and then dumped him like a common prostitute.   
Loki had been nothing but a way to pass time.   
And now Loki had to live with that. 

Loki felt the beginning of the sport season like a blur. His parents and his brothers were currently obsessed with the upcoming football tournament. There were chances that some important people could be scouting Bill and Harry. Maybe not Harry, he was still too young to leave high school, but there were good chances that Bill could be taken.   
That was all their father, Larry, was talking about. Bill's chances to be scouted without even Daddy trying to “help” him a bit. Larry Laufeyson prided himself in teaching his sons manly-man values of hard work, being tough, being rough, the sky's the limit and all that jazz...   
Well, his eldest ones at least, for his youngest was acting even more weird than usual. He was pale as a ghost and didn't utter a single word anymore. Weird ? His youngest was the very embodiment of “weird.” Sometimes he couldn't help but wonder if Loki was really his. Nah... Nathalie and him might have had troubles in the past but not to this extent. Larry kept wondering how did they manage to get such a peculiar offspring though they already had two fine boys. They had wanted a girl at first... Maybe it was a psychological thing. Who knew ? 

While Larry Laufeyson was deep in his thoughts about the mysteries of genetics and that strange boy of him, said boy was staring in the void, not minding the lively conversations and more or less eating his meal. He barely answered to his mother's questions about his lack of appetite and his strange attitude. He couldn't focus on the merry voices and this constant talk about football... He only focused on the many pains, in and out of his body. The rest didn't exist.   
He was more or less remembered to be at least physically present to the garden party this afternoon. And try to smile a bit. Loki had almost forgot that his mother was throwing a last fiesta before his brothers would be too engrossed in their training.   
Loki wished this stupid parade would be quickly over. So that he could lock himself in his bedroom to go to sleep and never wake up. Ever. 

****

His parents' garden party was a success, as usual. If having half drunk guests laughing too loud to the same old jokes and already grown kids messing around as if they were still in primary school was supposed to count as “success”...  
Loki was standing in the middle. His head was already pounding and his throat was burning again. He had not taken his medicine yet. He didn't really care, in fact. The pain was helping him to stay focus as much as possible. And if he had a fit of asthma... Oh well. It couldn't be any worse, anyway...   
He tried to pretend he was following his brothers running and messing around with their usual bunch of dumb and loud friends. Someone had found a ball and now they were having a match right in the middle of the freshly mowed lawn. It was going to be a mess tomorrow and, once their mother would have sobered up, she was going to be frantic...   
Loki didn't even care. They could do whatever they wanted. It wouldn't change a thing for him. He looked around and wondered how everything could seem so normal, so ordinary... The laughs, the chatting, the kicking, the screaming... The sound of the battered earth under his brothers' shoes, the clinking of her mother's crystal champagne flutes... All around, it was nothing but joy and fun. Even if it was an alcohol-induced one, it was hard for Loki to bear. 

As if Loki was not in pieces. As if he had not been destroyed in the most careless way. As if nothing of importance ever happened. The day might be burning bright and everyone might look full of joy, for Loki, it was nothing but darkness everywhere.   
Loki was amazed. He knew that a broken heart and soul was not much in the grand scheme of things but he would have wanted so much for someone, anyone, to know what he was enduring right now. But he would have bet on his life that each and everyone of all the people in the place would have laughed at him or avoided and despised him, or, at best, gave him the address of a “specialist” that would help him get “cured.” To them all, Loki was an abomination. Something against God and the laws of nature... 

Turning his eyes away from the merry crowd, Loki tried to find a quiet spot where he would wait for everything to calm down and sneak inside his own room to try and find some sleep. He was having nightmares every time he closed his eyes now...

Yet Loki closed them again. Just to soothe the hammer that was planting nails in his brains. It helped a bit. As he slowly opened them again, the world was blurry and full of lights, as expected.   
A dark form was standing in front of him and observing him, apparently. A tall, muscled form. A man. Loki started to see more clearly. A blond one, quite young, about Loki's age. Rather handsome with blue eyes. A seductive smile. Hesitant but self-confident. He had the quarterback figure. Loki knew enough of this kind to deduce it with a high probability of being right. He was staring at Loki right in the eyes. A glass in his hand, so he was probably drinking like an adult, though he was clearly under-aged. A dumb ass that thought he's smarter than everyone. Loki was annoyed. He was quite sure he had never seen this guy around before and he was acting and ogling as if he owned the place. Plus, he was clearly detailing Loki as if he was part of a freak show, something to laugh about. That look put Loki in a rage. Yet he refused to make a scandal of himself to entertain his brothers' dumb friends and give a reason for his parents for complaining about their useless son, again.   
He broke the eye contact and turned around to where his parents were chatting.

As he came near the group where his parents were being the center of the attention, Loki quickly realized it was probably a very bad idea. His father was already quite drunk. He was raving and ranting about how fine his boys were and how brilliant their future were going to be and all the people present were agreeing numbly. His mother had a clearer mind than her husband but she wasn't much help for she was encouraging her husband in his display. The gang of sheep that were listening to them were not more useful for the maintaining of this family's dignity...  
Loki tried something, while knowing it was a bad idea. He reached out to his father.   
“Dad, we should go to see if the buffet's ready. Why don't we go so Mother could watch over the party ?” He hoped no one would notice that his voice was slightly trembling.   
His father gave him a surprised and bovine look. He looked as if he was trying to remember who the hell was talking to him. Then, he smiled big and wide and he pointed at Loki's face with his free finger, still holding his martini.   
“My GIRL ! This is my girl !” He bawled joyously. “Nath ! Hey, Nath ! This is our girl !”  
Loki's mother giggled as if her husband was saying a good joke.   
Loki felt as if he had been slapped.   
Larry Laufeyson lifted his arms in imitation of a very showy woman. He was having the time of his life.   
“ 'Daaaad, daaaaad, shall we go and see if the boo-fay is readeeee ?' ” He roared in delight, doing a rather poor caricature of a feminine Loki. “Where did you learn to talk like that ? Faggot Academy ?” He laughed hysterically at his own wits. “Holy shit, son ! You should have been born a woman for being such a drama queen ! Got your monthlies already ?”   
At those rather crude words, the whole crowd burst out laughing.   
The noise literally destroyed Loki's brain and common sense.   
The only way out seemed to be running away with the noise of his humiliation still ringing in his ears. 

****

He ran to the lake behind the house. As fast as he could. As fast as his teary eyes, burning face and throat on fire could allow.   
It was a lake that used to be a promenade during summer. His father owned a pier and a boathouse but now that the children were grown, no one used it that much.   
Loki ran to the end of the pier. It was settled far inside the lake and it gave you the illusion that you were in the water, far from the bank, away from all.   
Loki needed to be alone.   
Having reached the end, he fell on his knees and, throwing his head back, he screamed his lungs out as loud as he could. 

There was not much to do against this pain. 

He screamed again two or three times. He emptied his mind. He could be as gut-wrenching as he wanted, it was an isolated place. No one would disturb him.   
It felt good for a little while. But it was a limited thing. The pain came back, though a little weakened.   
He remained on his knees and looked around. It was summer, but the distant trees looked gloomy and the lake seemed gray. Or was it the reflection of Loki's state of mind. Loki's noise had disturbed a flock of wild geese and the only sign of life besides this were the ripples on the water the breeze provoked.   
Loki tried to wipe his tears with his sleeve. He didn't have his handkerchief. He didn't want to see his face, he must be such a mess.   
He sighed. He followed the flock of geese that already looked like tiny moving dots in the sky. He wished he could be one of them. At least he would know where to go and who to be with. Geese stuck together against nature.   
Because Loki's problem was this. He didn't know what to do and where to go IF there was something to do and somewhere to go...  
He had a family that found him too strange to care about. He thought he had a lover who was just an opportunist. As for the rest, he didn't have any friends or people to talk to. Life looked empty and pointless anyway.

I am on my own, he thought, well and truly on my own. 

Loki lost himself staring at the mirroring water. It would be so nice, remaining here forever and not having a care in this world. Not having to care at all. 

“Erm... Excuse me, are you all right ?”   
Loki jumped as if someone had thrown a bomb. He turned around to see the dumb blond quarterback, standing behind him and looking puzzled.   
Loki felt a brutal surge of white-hot anger. The dumb blond had followed him and dared go on the pier to talk to him. What was wrong with those guys ? Couldn't he see that Loki was in no mood for entertaining him ? Couldn't he deserve some peace at very least ? What would they ever want with him ? With Loki the clown, Loki the funny joke... Loki could feel the burning in his throat trying to rise.   
“I mean...” Dumb Blond blabbered. “You looked really upset... I thought... Maybe you needed...”   
Dumb Blond was at lost for words. Loki's silence was clearly making him nervous. Good. Mr. Perfect-body-but-Perfectly-Dumb was probably used to swooning maidens, falling at his feet each time he opened his perfect and useless mouth. Loki's anger was almost too much to bear and though Dumb Blond had done nothing to him (and Loki knew it), he was going to be the first to taste its violence. 

Loki opened a large mouth, ready to throw as many insults he could to that pretty airhead.   
Only to utter a terrible cough and a moan.   
No.   
No, no, no, no, no...  
His lungs stopped, his throat constricted and he instantly lacked air.   
A crisis of asthma, the first one in months and this was a really bad one. 

It had taken him years to control his condition. His therapy and medication helped but it couldn't always prevent the horrible feeling of asphyxia that sometimes occurred. Right now, Loki simply couldn't breathe, everything had stopped. Weeks of anguish had strained his system and he was too weak and disturbed to regain his usual control.   
He almost hit the ground and thought that he was going to die when he felt himself grabbed and hugged.   
“Easy, baby, easy... I've got you.”  
Loki felt trapped. His head stuck to a chest that felt like a wall. He heard a stomping and he couldn't perceive if it was his heart or someone's else. Someone was caressing his hair and trying to calm him down.   
“Breathe, baby... Like this, Breathe...”  
The Dumb blond was holding him close and his words were as useful as a bandage on a wooden leg. And then something peculiar occurred.   
Dumb Blond was imitating Loki's ragged breath. Erratic and fighting at first and then calmly slowing down and being more regular.   
Loki was surprised to feel that it worked. His own breath was matching Dumb Blond's rhythm. He felt a little better but he was still struggling. He was being lifted up the ground.   
“That's it, breathe...” Murmured Dumb Blond. “Don't worry, baby. I've got you...”  
The last things Loki registered were being transported back on the riverside and put in a car. After that, there was only black...

****

He woke up at the hospital. He wasn't surprised or panicked. It was usual, after the worst crisis, to put him on observation. The room was dreary white, the usual, and already filled with get-well cards from his family. No flowers. There was a risk of making the asthma come back.   
Of course, no one by his side. 

Loki tried to recreate the line of events. Whether the Blond had brought him back home or directly to the hospital, the garden party must have been ruined anyway. Either the ambulance picked him up or his parents had to sober up and go see him, it had the same results. They had left him out of boredom once they learned the crisis was done, tranquilizing themselves with cards. They probably still had guests... So why bother about the drama of their youngest again.   
Loki spent the next minutes, looking at the blank ceiling. He couldn't hear the birds or the wind in the trees outside, the windows were closed tight. Again, asthma.   
Loki thirsted for something beautiful to see, something that would remind him that everything was not only white or gray...

He heard a knock on the door. He was surprised. He didn't know who would visit him at such a time ?   
The door opened before he could answer.   
Dumb Blond. Again. Standing at the door with a dazzling smile. And holding a beautiful bouquet of multicolored roses.   
“Hello there ! I was worried I would wake you up. You look better !”  
Loki barely heard the chatting. He followed the blond grabbing a vase and putting the flowers in it as if he knew where was everything in this hospital room.   
“Man, talk about a show. I had to get you at the hospital and call your parents. They were out of their minds. Don't worry, they are okay now the doc said you are in the clear... But, dude, you scared us crazy...”  
Loki heard a thick Texan accent. Great. Straight from Hicksville, Texas, USA.   
But the roses were amazing though... Bright and moist with dew. They were the only colors in this place. Just for that, Loki felt a bit of happiness. He loved flowers so much but he had to hide it. It was not “manly” enough in the Laufeyson mansion and, by the way, some of them were dangerous for Loki. Luckily, it wasn't the case for roses.   
“So, I said to your pop, maybe you're just stressed out. With final years exams and your bros and all of this... An' he said to me you couldn't take a joke, but, man... There's joke and joke, ya know ? But I couldn't tell it to your pop straight to his face so I...”  
Loki tried to understand the flow of words but Hick Blond was talking too fast...  
“Excuse me !” Cut Loki.   
Dumb Blond stopped and gave him a lopsided, stupid smile. Attractive but feeble-minded. He was acting as if Loki and him were old friends. It was annoying. Oh, well, he was also a distraction...  
“I'm afraid I didn't catch your name...”   
Dumb Blond gave an apologetic smile.   
“Sorry, sorry... That's rude of me... I'm the son of your father's new associate. I am in the same class as your brother Bill. I'm Thor Odinson.”


	3. Chapter 3 : From Thor's point of view...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The same chapter, this time through Thor's eyes... Thank you for reading !

Thor's family came from Houston and that got on Thor's nerves any time there were making jokes about it. “Houston, we got a problem...” and all that space crap... People could be really annoying. Not to mention the fact that they all thought him completely stupid and small-minded because he was a quarterback, a blond or a Texan. Not necessarily in that order.

And not only him. Because Thor's Momma and Pop were what society calls “nouveaux riches”, they were considered as vulgar and trying to get bigger than they were. They couldn't help it if his Momma ran a very successful team of engineers and his Pop had a nose for business. Yep, they began almost out of nowhere and managed on their own but that was precisely the American Dream, so ?   
Thor loved his life in high school and football. He didn't consider it as a career though. He knew how hazardous it could be and the traps that awaited young hopeful players. Better to settle down on more secure ways of earning your bread as his Pop used to say. He could picture himself taking back the reins of his mother's office some day...  
But at his age, he wasn't thinking about that. He was more thinking about something he craved more than anything else. Completion. 

Thor had discovered rather quickly that he was bisexual. He first had two serious relationships with girls of his age, Jane and Sif. Unfortunately, Jane wanted to settle down when he wanted to remain free and Sif was adamant on not marrying, ever, when he was considering it with her. He peacefully broke up with them both, knowing that they couldn't want the same things at the same time. He managed to keep them as very close friends, almost as sisters. When in trouble, he knew he could go to either of them for help and vice-versa. 

But, even during the time he was quite happy with Jane or Sif, he realized he was still looking at guys. 

He liked strong, brainy girls with a firm personality but he was attracted to mysterious, dark and quiet boys. Not necessarily handsome ones, but definitely the secretive ones that hid from everything and everyone.  
Although the relationships he had had with girls were rather meaningful experiences that led to strong friendships, all of his with boys were one-night stands or brief affairs.   
None of them were public or lasted long enough. He didn't make any bound with any of them. They were all scared of coming out, of going public. They all wanted darkness and secrecy, as deeply buried in the closet as it could be...   
When it was over and Thor came across them in the school's corridors, they pretended they didn't even know him. All of them said that it was easy for the star quarterback to be open-minded and shameless, but that they would be finished if anyone discovered about their little “unnatural” trysts.   
Thor hated it.   
Sex and love had to be a commitment for him, maybe not for everlasting life but certainly not for some minutes and then obliterated, gone into thin air as if it never existed... 

He talked about all of this to his parents and siblings. They were a large, open family and trust was the first thing to respect.   
And yet, when Thor told them about his bisexuality, they were rather anxious. His mother wanted to know if he wasn't passing through some phase. When he asserted he knew who he was, his father sighed.  
“Son, you are who you are and we are not going to love you any less for it. But it's a hard world for gay, lesbian, bi, trans, you name it, anything that doesn't fit the sacrosanct Daddy-Mommy-married-with-kids model...” Thor was about to say something but his father pursued. “So, I know you are going to live your life and live it well. I know you will settle down with someone who loves you, male or female. Or not, if it's not what you want... But remember that not all of us are brave enough to tell the world who they really are and you'll be deceived, or disappointed, many, many times...”  
Thor wanted to prove his father wrong but failed. He had another love interest with a guy he knew was also a bi. Except that he refused to make a clean break with his on-and-off girlfriend when things went serious with Thor. As he couldn't accept to be the “other woman,” Thor broke up and didn't get involved with anyone after this. 

****

Thor went fed up after this last pathetic mess.   
He wasn't too much depressed about it though. He knew that if his next romantic target was female, no one would come between them except their own personal issues. But if it was a male, and a closeted one, it would be hopeless.   
So Thor preferred to give up and buried anything resembling sentiments deep inside of him until further notice. He stopped dating altogether. Unfortunately that brought him unnecessary attention for he was the only one in his team not to brag about female conquests and getting laid and such. Thor felt as if the whole world and their mothers had a right upon his privacy.   
So when the family had to move to the west because of both of his parents' promotions, it felt like a breath of fresh air. He really thought he would be liberated from prejudices by being out of the bible belt.   
“I wouldn't be so sure, if I were you...” His mother sighed. “Those posh people... They might act as if butter wouldn't melt in their mouths but, down to the core, some are rotten just the same...”  
Thor decided not to think about it too much. This was a new life for him, his siblings and his parents...

Well, the first months were not that transcending. Thor had to start anew and prove to everyone he was an excellent student and an even outstanding athlete. It was tiresome. He hoped it was worth it. His father had been right again, those people were snobs. They said nothing but thought no less. To them, Thor was a dumb peasant boy who should go back to his muddy ranch. Thor was internally fuming.   
Yet, as he had predicted to himself, his results were noticed and he settled down quite comfortably. His parents, on their side, were starting to get invited to many significant elite events. None of them took all of this seriously. Yet, it felt good to be part of something, even something that futile...

Thor's Pop got involved with some of the most important businessmen around. He even had a new partner. “Nice fellow, but a bit vulgar.” Thor's Momma said. “His wife could be quite the lady if she wasn't always agreeing to the stupidities her husband says... Especially when he's got quite a few too many...”   
They were the Laufeysons. Thor already met Bill and Harry, the sons. They were in the same team. Thor rather liked Harry but Bill was a pain in the ass. All bully-macho-man and feeling threatened in his alpha male status by the coming of Thor. Indeed, Thor's talent was beginning to be an asset and Bill dreaded that it would be quite a challenge. Thor didn't care. He worked for his position as quarterback and feared no one.   
All in one, the three boys had to get along together. Not much of a choice. Their fathers were closely working together and ignoring each other was becoming difficult. Even Thor's Momma had a few shopping spree with Mrs. Laufeyson and came back disgusted each time. Nathalie Laufeyson kept talking about hairdo, make-up, clothes, kids, men... Chatting and gossiping till the point of giving headaches to Mrs. Odinson. When Nathalie publicly giggled that the fact that Freya Odinson was “still working”, instead of raising her children, was “a little weird,” Thor's Momma wanted to cease any relationship with the Laufeysons.   
Pop reminded her that they might be rude and dumb but they still needed them for a while. So she simply sighed and clenched her teeth and went to meetings for the ladies only that just bored her to death. Thor felt sorry for her and her husband helped her with her office work in compensation. 

****

That was why, when the three of them were invited to the Laufeysons' summer party, Thor didn't expect much of it. Bill would be more than probably an ass. His parents would appear nice and polite but would be criticizing Thor's parents behind their back. Harry would be more than acceptable but wouldn't say much. He wasn't a talker because he had nothing to talk about besides football. Thor knew this was going to be long and exhausting. 

And he was right, until he saw him. 

Thor first thought he was hallucinating. Hiding behind the cocktail bar, following the party with a melancholic eye, a dark, thin and tall beauty about his age was standing.   
Shiny, long jet black hair, fair skin, long graceful hands, thin lips and two green eyes... Almost the embodiment of Thor's ultimate fantasy. A perfection that almost didn't look real.   
Except that the apparition was indeed flesh and blood and looked crushed by an invisible burden.   
Everyone around was having fun or pretending to be. All but Thor and this heavenly creature. Yet Thor was simply bored. This beauty looked worn-out, forlorn, utterly lost...

Thor was staring quite rudely but he couldn't help it. He was mesmerized. He had forgotten all about the cool drink he was holding. He was thinking fast about any type of opening that could help him engage conversation with this weeping angel, maybe try to comfort him, maybe invite him for a dance or a drink, or... His train of thoughts was going amok.   
The angel closed his eyes, as if stabbed by a terrible pain. Maybe he was simply sick. Thor wondered if he should reach out to him. And then the creature opened his eyes again to find Thor almost in front of him. Thor gasped internally. Those green eyes were piercing but they also had big circles underneath, caused either by the lack of sleep or a disease, or both...  
The dark angel didn't look pleased by Thor's interest. He made an angry grimace that only revealed his paleness.   
Then he turned around without any word. Thor was distraught. He didn't dare follow him, even discreetly. That would be stalking for the handsome dark boy was clearly in no mood for idle chitchat even less for a bit of flirting. Thor let him have his space but went to Harry, his eyes still on the boy's back. He asked his friend about the handsome stranger.   
“That my brother, Loki. Youngest one.”   
As we said, Harry was not much of a talker but Thor didn't mind. His beauty had now a name, Loki. Loki, Loki, Lo-ki. It had a nice ringing sound.   
“Is he all right ?” Thor then wondered. “He looks... I don't know... out of sorts.”  
“Nah.” Shrugged Harry. “He weird.”   
“But...” Thor insisted. “Are you sure he is not sick ? If he is, he should stay inside instead of burning out there in the sun, not to mention the noise.”   
“Nah.” He shrugged again, turning around as if to close the subject. “He just weird.”  
Wow, Thor thought, so much for conversation. It didn't matter. He had a start for information. Having made acquaintances with the Laufeysons seemed now like fate. 

Thor lost sight of Loki. He spotted a crowd of mature people and heard a roaring laughing from the general audience. Then a highly intoxicated and slurry voice came out and Thor had a hard time to recognize Mr. Laufeyson. He was in the center of the crowd, waving his arms around like a crazy puppet.   
“ 'Daaaad, daaaaad, shall we go and see if the boo-fay is readeeee ?' Where did you learn to talk like that ? Faggot Academy ?”   
Thor felt as if he had been slapped. For a brief second, he thought this witty repartee was meant for him.   
And then he saw to whom it was referring to. Looking shrunk and pale as a ghost, if it was even possible, his eyes bulging out of his face with shock, Loki stood in front of his father. He was the unfortunate recipient of this doubtful piece of humor.   
“Holy shit, son !” The wretched drunkard pursued, taunting his own flesh with his pointed finger. “You should have been born a woman for being such a drama queen ! Got your monthlies already ?”  
Thor was flabbergasted. He wanted to punch that pig of a man and yell that it was no way to talk to anyone, least of all your own kid. Of course, he couldn't. He was that pig of a man's guest. 

Anyway, Thor had no time to ponder about the necessity of a public punishment. Loki trembled once from head to toe. He stepped back once, twice and then ran out of the garden party as if the devil was at his heels. Thor couldn't blame him. There was no appropriate reaction to this kind of verbal aggression except beating your own father to the ground.   
Thor lost no time. He followed Loki, who was really fast, across the bushes and the long stretch of grass. He had no idea where the boy was running to. Perhaps nowhere. Thor hoped he was not going to do something stupid. He was in a mood to, it seemed. 

Finally they reached a rather large lake and a boathouse that stood near a pier. He heard Loki's stomping feet on the planks. He saw the beautiful youth staggering at the end and fall on his knees. Then he heard a horrible scream that didn't sound like something coming out of a human throat. Never in his young life, had Thor listened to something that scary and blood-curdling.   
Loki screamed again once or twice and put his head on his knees. A sight of total misery and loneliness. It simply broke Thor's heart.   
That was how Thor guessed that what was going on with Loki was something very bad. Something even worse than a father's public rudeness to his child. That was how Thor knew that Loki was gay. His extreme reaction and the fact that he didn't try to defend himself was the proof of it. Yet Thor sensed that the degree of despair in Loki's attitude was also proof that he had experienced something intimate and terrible.   
Thor felt the tears coming. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to grab Loki, who was staring at the lake and the sky, as if asking heaven and nature for guidance, and lock him in his own house where he wouldn't be judged or despised for who he was and protected forever. Thor was amazed at the force of his newborn feelings for the boy.   
He couldn't just manhandle Loki. He could at least try to offer his help. He walked on the pier, slowly, trying not to scare the youth. 

“Erm... Excuse me, are you all right ?”    
He had spoken softly but Loki's brutal jump and furious face didn't bode well for Thor. Maybe coming out that fast and not leaving time for Loki to compose himself was a big mistake. Thor had a tendency to trust the direct method. He had witnessed Loki, someone who had no idea who he was, someone he had not been introduced to, in a very private and sorrowful moment. Loki was not going to be understanding and social about that, nor will he lend an interested ear to whatever Thor would want to say.   
“I mean...You looked really upset... I thought... Maybe you needed...”    
Thor was loosing ground and stammering. Loki looked more and more ready to jump at his throat and tear him apart. Thor couldn't help finding him quite beautiful even in this enraged state. But also deadly. Thor was almost raising his hands forward as a sign of peace or to protect himself.   
And then, something completely unexpected and scary occurred. Loki went bright red, then ghastly white, then blue in a second. He made a gurgling sound and a raucous gasp. He put his hands to his chest and throat and gave Thor the most horrifying look of horror he ever saw. 

Thor happened to know what was going for having already experienced it. Loki had a bad fit of asthma and very probably didn't have his medication with him. 

Thor held Loki and made him lie against his chest. He tried to remain calm. His younger brother, Baldur, also had asthma and a very serious case of it. The family stuck together at each crisis and Thor had to teach himself techniques to take charge if needed.   
He started by the simplest one. He imitated Loki's struggling, erratic breath and gasps. Then he slowly took a more regular rhythm. Usually, Baldur couldn't help but unconsciously match his brother's breath and thus end the fit.   
To his greatest relief, Loki did the same. He felt heavy in Thor's arms, helpless and scared. Thor could feel his crazy heart beating wildly and the air in his lungs trying to find a way.   
Ultimately, Loki managed to breathe more or less normally. But his head weighed on Thor's shoulder and he fell into a half-conscious state. Thor lost no time. He hauled up Loki like a bride and tried to reach the party. 

****

Thor made quite an entrance, carrying a comatose Loki in his arms but the commotion was short as Thor's Pop grabbed the car's keys and drove Thor and Loki to the nearest hospital. Thor's Momma was trying to soothe an hysterical Nathalie and to sober up Larry that barely knew how to walk anymore. She drove them later.   
Loki had been taken in charge and saved. Thanks to Thor, the worst had been avoided. Thor shivered thinking about what could have happened had he been not there to help Loki. 

Yet Thor and his parents had the shock of their life when they saw Loki's parents, once reassured about their offspring's fate, intending to leave and go back to the party. At Pop's suggestion that they should stay until Loki woke up, they answered that they still had a party to attend and their youngest being out of danger, they had no time left to carry on with his usual drama.   
Thor and his parents where left, high and dry, right in the middle in the hospital's corridor as Loki's Dad was calling for a taxi in his slurry voice. He had to articulate to make himself understood.   
Thor couldn't believe his eyes and ears. Neither could his parents. 

Thor remained in the hospital while his Momma drove the appalling couple back to their precious guests. Larry was incomprehensible and couldn't manage to book a taxi. Thor's Momma looked ready to kill them both. His Pop sighed, already resigned to his partner's attitude. 

Loki was still asleep. On his way back to the room, Thor spotted a florist and bought as much roses as he could. It made a very colorful and perfumed bunch. He knew that roses were harmless for asthma and Loki would want to set his eyes on something nice to lighten up the place.   
Loki was up when Thor opened the door. Thor was perturbed a little. He had hoped not to surprise Loki. He had no idea how he would react at his sight and his parents' absence so Thor opted for the natural approach. He acted as if Loki and him were old friends, as if it was perfectly normal for two boys to chatter after having been so close to disaster. As if Thor was not totally unknown to Loki and not already familiar about his most private troubles. As if everything was perfectly normal...

“Hello there ! I was worried I would wake you up. You look better !”   
Thor started chatting nonsense while following Loki's expression at the corner of his eyes. He had the surprise to see Loki's cheeks getting a little color and his eyes having a tiny sparkle of joy at the sight of the bouquet. He was obviously loving the roses. Thor silently checked one to himself for his good idea. 

He had a brief glimpse of who Loki really was when happy and healthy. Whatever had happened to him, it wasn't natural. 

So Thor went on with his silly chatter until Loki demanded who he was. Thor shuddered discreetly hearing that low, velvety voice for the first time. Just as he had imagined it, although a bit strained.   
Yet Loki didn't talk much during Thor's stay. Thor sat on the bed next to him and made the most part of the conversation. Loki was so close he had to refrain himself from grabbing his hand or something else.   
He had to be careful if he wanted everything to work out perfectly. It was as if trying to win over a frail bird. Loki looked suspicious yet calm. It appeared they had reached some sort of silent agreement. Yet Loki sometimes threw him a dubious glance. Thor was accepted but Loki was still wary. 

If Thor wanted it to be serious, he still had a long way ahead of him.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there ! Sorry folks not much smut but feelings and angst ! Thank you for reading !

Loki was back home the following morning.   
Yet as soon as he arrived and once his parents were sure that he wouldn't leave the house right away or do something dangerous or stupid, the Laufeysons left with their two eldest to watch the football training. Loki was left alone. Again. 

In truth, he didn't really mind. Not anymore. He wanted time for himself to think.   
The incident of his drunk father at the garden party opened his eyes. He KNEW that his father was not a mean or evil person. He was just dumb. Plain dumb. And an alcoholic…   
He might be brainy enough for his trade but his social and humane skills were catastrophic. He was incapable of understanding anything or anyone that didn't fit his conception of life and the way people should be and behave… He didn't have any patience to try and understand it either...  
Loki knew that his mother was in respectful awe of her bully macho-man husband, her dream guy, and that she venerated her eldest sons. Her dream boys and the dream life she wanted since she was very small.   
Perfect, except for Loki.   
At the time of his birth, she had hoped for a girl and unconsciously resented Loki for being a male. She was a woman who lived by clichés and a third boy with a brain, a taste for independence and a tendency to judge was not what she had planned. 

They were not bad people, they were simply close-minded individuals that felt any type of difference as a threat to their little organized world… And, in his case, Loki was a major difference.

He had to think. He needed to get some space once he graduated from high school. He was determined to finish it as soon as possible, to leave the house to go to his dream College (Loki was certain of being admitted). He was not yet seeing himself as an adult with a career at first. Getting fresh air from all of this was fairly more urgent.   
He went downstairs to the kitchen. He settled himself down to some coffee and breakfast. It was comfortable to be on his own, peaceful... 

Until he saw the kitchen wall calendar and saw that today was his own birthday. 

Loki burst out laughing on his own, almost bent on his mother's brand new kitchen table. It was kind of funny, in a way. He had been so obsessed by his own predicament and his parents had been so focused on their garden party and their boys' training that everyone had totally forgot about that, even Loki. He wiped his eyes, still laughing. He was not even mad. It was simply absurd.   
It didn't matter. Loki didn't feel like celebrating anyway. He didn't really care at all. Really. 

Loki ate without much pleasure. He wondered what to do with the rest of the day. Maybe the library to fetch some new books and finish this paper for English classes. Maybe go to the gym... Not that Loki would do wonders in that department. Furthermore he hated the muscle guys who paraded around the place, challenging each other and openly despising Loki.   
He was still thinking about it when the bell rang. Great, he thought, I was too much at ease, I had to be disturbed...  
He opened the door, expecting an annoying neighbor for his mother or an idiotic friend of his brothers, but found himself in front of Thor Odinson's blue eyes and his flashing smile. 

“Hello there ! I wanted to see if you were okay...”  
He made a friendly gesture of reaching out his hand. He was a little shy and probably had no idea what to expect. Loki was so surprised he didn't think about shaking his hand back. It was not rudeness. Loki would have never thought that Thor could come back the very day he checked out of the hospital. So he was destabilized. Thor made a little contrite smile and put away his hand before Loki could move. Both of them were a little lost and wondered how to behave in front of the other.   
For an awkward second, they didn't know what to say or to do. Until Loki decided to invite him inside for a beer. 

They calmly sat down in the kitchen and drank in silence. Thor could have slapped himself for his wishful thinking. Loki was certainly not going to welcome him that fast after the ruined garden party. Between them, nothing had occurred in a logical order. Thor had the feeling of having understood Loki's private troubles before even having been introduced to him or even talking to him for the first time.   
On his side, Loki had no idea of what Thor's intentions might be. Was he in a friendly attitude ? Or was he doing something dubious ? Had he been told to act nice by someone or had he decided to do so on his own ? So much questions, very little answers and so many good reasons not to trust this handsome blond Texan hunk…

They made very small talk about school, Loki's health, their families, Loki's brothers in the team and the difficulties Thor had sometimes with them…  
“I don't understand...” Loki said. “I thought you were friends ?”   
Besides, if you are friends with my brothers, he really wanted to ask, why the hell are you hanging around me ?   
“Well...” Thor shrugged. “Sure, we are friends, but... We're rivals too in the same posts. Especially your brother Bill...”  
Loki smiled. He had a piece of mental laugh, imagining Bill's rancor at the sight of such a serious obstacle just during scouting period...   
“They're not bad sports, your brothers, but... They don't have that much conversation that's not about football...”  
Loki snorted discreetly. Thor thought it could be a good idea to clear some air and break the ice between him and Loki. 

“Look, I am sorry for what happened with your Dad...”  
Thor saw Loki cringe but he couldn't stop himself. He really wanted to set things right with Loki. Even if it meant being a little pushy...  
“You know, he was a little out of hands... But, My Pop says he's really nice.”  
That was half a lie. Otto Odinson had indeed declared that Larry Laufeyson was actually nice... If only he wasn't drinking so much. Thor knew by his Pop that Loki's father had a secret hiding place for his personal whiskey, right in the office. Only Otto had discovered it by accident and didn't know what to do about it. That was why Thor wanted Loki to know he could at least trust Thor. The Texan was feeling bad from knowing so much embarrassing stuff and not telling Loki about it. At least for now. He was now stammering, at loss for something meaningful to say.   
Loki simply made a disgusted grimace at the mention of Larry. It didn't bore good and Thor should have stopped at that moment, but it was as if his tongue was moving by itself. The tension was starting to grow. Exactly the contrary that Thor wanted to obtain.   
“Look, I'm sorry... I know you're angry with me... About the pier... But that wasn't stalking ! I swear, I just...”  
I am in love with you and very worried about you, that was the real thing he wanted to say. But now was not a good time.   
Loki raised his hand to make Thor cut the confused speech. It wasn't an angry or aggressive response but it was indeed curt.   
“Enough, Thor. I don't want to talk about... the pier. You helped and... Thank you, that's good. Thank you very much for that...”   
Thor breathed. Loki's voice wasn't resentful, if it was indeed tense. But still, things were not getting any clearer. 

One of Thor's big defect was his incapacity to feel when the mood is not right and matters should be left alone. He was making too much fuss around people he cared about and seemed in trouble. He couldn't help but always meddling when he was adamant he could fix it. He had a tendency to forget that this careless attitude could annoy the person he was actually trying to help.   
“Don't mention it.” Thor smiled. “But your Dad, your Mom and your brothers, they're not so bad, they...”

Loki slammed his hand on the table, almost toppling the beer bottles that made a clinking sound. 

That totally shut Thor up. He wasn't expecting this outburst.   
“I said enough.” Growled Loki. “Enough about my father, my mother, my idiotic brothers or anyone else ! You know nothing about anything, Odinson !”   
Thor didn't like being called 'Odinson', especially by Loki. He wanted to protest but Loki went on, not giving him any time to answer.   
“You'll see very quickly that this place is not Dallas or Houston or wherever Texan haven you come from ! People here are not your friendly neighborhood !” Loki felt tears coming and it made him quite angry with himself. “You'll see that my father's happiness lies at the bottom of a drink, that's my Mom's life is limited to this house, my brothers and shopping. Not to mention that both of them don't mind a bit that those two degenerated bros of mine are turning this place into a brothel, as long as they are admitted to some super-star team ! They could commit rape or murder for all they care !”   
Thor didn't like Loki raising his tone and venting his anger at him. But he didn't know what to say that wouldn't make Loki even more mad.   
“And no one is talking about this total mess ! Everything is falling apart but I can't have my say in it because I'm...” Loki stopped. He was about to say “I am gay” to someone he didn't know that much. A blond Texan redneck and football hero, the combination of his worst nightmares. How could he ever trust Thor ?   
Thor's ears perked up at the unfinished phrase but he let Loki go on. He felt that there was something Loki was hiding and he wanted to know what. 

“Do you know how twisted it is ?” Loki went on, tears seriously threatening to spill. “Do you know what day is it ?” Loki knew he was sounding whiny, pathetic, childish but he couldn't stop. “It's my frigging birthday ! AND the day of my brothers' tryouts or something. Guess which one has so much more importance that they completely obliterated the other !?”  
And then Loki cried, feeling like the most bratty crybaby ever. Never had he felt that much self-disgust in his life. He was ridiculous. Now, Thor would leave or insult him or both, or worse... His good intentions could not stand so much verbal aggression. Yet Thor looked more perplexed than vexed.   
“It's your birthday… Today ? “   
Loki nodded. He thought he had been clear.   
“And … You're telling me that they went to your brothers' tryouts and totally forgot about it... right ?”  
Texas does not produce Einsteins, Loki nastily thought.   
Thor stand there, apparently thinking fast. Loki was a little disturbed. He had been expecting screams and abuses, doors to be slammed but not this quiet brainstorming.   
“I know !” Thor joyously cried out. “ Let's celebrate right now ! Let's have a party ! Just us two !”   
Loki was flabbergasted, not sure he understood right. Thor's sunny face succeeding his calm countenance was unsettling.   
“We'll go to the movies ! There's a good one still running ! And bowling ! There's a cool spot I noticed downtown ! Or ice skating ! Do you like ice skating ? There's a nearby place Pop told me about ! And we can even have ice creams and the like there ! Let's go Loki, grab your coat ! We're going to have fun !!”  
And before Loki could say anything he found himself out of the house and away to the movie theater, almost dragged by a chatty, cheerful Thor. 

****

Despite Loki's reluctance and doubts, it was indeed a happy day.   
They did go to the movies. They saw a silly one but Loki surprised himself laughing out loud for the first time in centuries. They went bowling then to a dinner for hamburgers and fries. Loki wasn't much into bowling but he wanted to humor Thor. Besides Thor had a way to make the most boring things interesting.   
They didn't go ice skating for Loki was feeling very tired by now. Yet, Thor insisted they had an ice cream while looking at the more or less skillful skaters.   
Loki shyly asked if they could go to his favorite place in the park near the lake. There was ducks and birds and swans Loki liked to feed. They went and laughed at the ducks quacking for crumbs. Then Thor left Loki to his duck feeding and came back with a huge birthday cake from the nearest bakery. Loki couldn't believe his eyes. There were even lit candles (how did he manage that ?!) and Thor insisted that Loki made a wish while blowing them. Loki complied but felt like a five-years old...  
They sat on the bench in front of the lake and ate the cake with their fingers while watching the afternoon light on the water and the birds swimming and diving. Some came closer and the boys gave them pieces of the cake. 

Licking the frosting off his fingers, Loki had to admit it was the best birthday party ever. It had been more fun than any party he had ever had. All of them had seemed a family obligation, forced and unnatural. Something you had to celebrate just because you had to.   
It had started as a dull, gloomy day and it ended brilliantly with his hands full of cake and a promising sunset.   
Thor was indeed very proud of himself. He was seeing for the first time a happy, smiling Loki. Needless to say, he was falling in love more and more.   
He wanted to lick the tiny dot of vanilla cream on Loki's nose and then on Loki's lips.   
But he contained himself. It would be a very bad idea. Their friendship was still fresh and fragile. 

They parted after the sunset. Both of them rather glad. Thor made Loki promise to see him at school tomorrow. Loki agreed. Why not ? Thor was obviously nice to him and not going to stab him from behind... Hopefully.   
When Loki's parents went back with his brothers, they looked quite contrite. After their sons had made quite a good job at their training, they had brusquely realized they had totally forgotten about the birthday... They made a quick shopping, bought a cake and a brand new luxury watch.   
Loki had such a good day, he had no problem to seem content and be in a forgiving mood. His family didn't understand anymore. Loki laughed and talked with everyone and even served the champagne, flashing his wristwatch around proudly. It was a totally different Loki. A Loki with a new friend and a secret outdoor birthday party. He told nothing of his celebration with Thor. It was his and only his. But no one asked any question. 

The next day, his father who still felt bad about forgetting about his youngest' birthday gave him a generous amount of pocket money “to be fair.” Loki didn't like it. He had felt satisfied enough with Thor's intervention and was about to give it back or stash it away and forget about it.   
Then he held the banknotes and realized that it was money for him and Thor, to repay his kindnesses. Thor deserved a proper thank-you invitation. 

So the next weekend, they painted the town red again. This time by going to Thor's favorite places, the stadium for the next football match, the silly movies, the ice skating they missed last time... Loki had promised himself this day would be for Thor only.   
Thor couldn't believe that Loki would take such pains for him. Thor knew that American football bore him to death. He took it as a good sign, but still he had to be careful.   
They made idle small talk. Loki learned more about Thor and his four little brothers, Baldur, Höd, Vidar and Vali. They were all named after the Northerner god Odin's children. His father Otto chose them because of their family name, Odinson. Otto's parents were from Norway. Hence Thor's light skin, blond hair and blue eyes. Loki found all of this rather endearing.  
Loki didn't talk much. He had had enough with his own. He was glad that someone else was the center of the conversation.   
Again it was a fine day and the true start of their relationship. 

****

Afterwards, Loki and Thor were constantly together, in and out of school. Thor picked Loki up when he finished working at the library and they did their homework either at Thor's or Loki's place. Although he fled the athletes like the plague, Loki went to Thor's training sessions and even the matches. No one suspected anything was amiss, though Loki's presence was eerie and he was renown for his detestation of sports. But it was also his brothers' team and everyone thought he was coming to support them. But seeing Thor was the real reason.   
It went like this, quite pleasantly for a few weeks. Nothing changed for a while between them and no one wanted it to change... Not yet anyway. 

Loki, curiously, had no idea of Thor's feelings. He assumed that Thor was a nice guy that felt a bit lonely and out of place with his thick Texan accent and his easy-going attitude. Indeed, it was hard for a boy used to simplicity like Thor to mix into this bunch of rich, holier-than-thou, prideful kids. Loki had come to the conclusion that Thor saw Loki as an outsider like him and didn't question Thor's motives any longer.   
Thor knew that Loki didn't suspect anything and was ashamed of himself. It was as if he was fooling Loki. To Thor, his attitude wasn't honest. The worst thing ever. 

He was almost a 100% sure that Loki was gay but he wasn't stupid and assuming Loki was gay, that didn't automatically mean that he would fall into Thor's arms right away. It was harder for Thor to hide his infatuation. When he saw Loki waving his arms and screaming encouragements when Thor was running for the ball, he only wanted to grab him and kiss his brains out. 

Shamefully, he had started masturbating while thinking of an erotic and lustful Loki. He was really embarrassed but he couldn't help it...

He had to come clean to Loki. To tell him about what he really felt. Or else their friendship would be a total lie. 

It was during on one of their walks back home that Thor decided to make a move. Loki was in a talking mood for he had beaten all the Mathletes at the last Math contest. He wasn't even part of their club and he had won the first place. The Mathletes had no trust in Loki because Bill and Harry had regularly bullied them while in junior school, that was why they had never wanted him in their club. A little unfair if not comprehensible. Yet, Loki couldn't help but rejoicing in having his revenge.   
Thor was silent for once and unconsciously following the movements of Loki's lips.   
They stopped near Loki's home. Loki was about to laugh about another math challenge anecdote when Thor grabbed him by the neck and kissed him on the mouth fully. 

Loki reacted by pushing Thor away with his both hands. They looked at each other for a few seconds. Loki, out of breath from the shock and eyes wide opened. Thor, distressed and full of hope for Loki's reaction. 

It went very fast. Loki's hands fled upwards and he started pummeling Thor who gasped in surprise and didn't defend himself right away. Loki was not hitting hard enough to hurt him physically but Thor was so panicked by this bad response to his feelings that he tried to grab Loki's arms in vain. Loki might not be very strong but he was indeed very fast. 

“Loki, please, Loki stop ! Loki, please, please, let me explain, Loki !”  
Loki was hitting and crying, indifferent to Thor's pleads. Or maybe he was so blinded by his own rage, he couldn't see nor hear anymore.   
Thor had no choice but to give a hard push to Loki's chest. Loki hit the wall and fell on the ground, holding his chest. His school bag followed the same way and scattered itself on the pavement. Books and notes fled the crime scene. Thor was horrified. He had miscalculated his blow and given Loki a very bad one.   
“Oh, Loki, I am so sorry, I...”  
He stopped at the sight of Loki's face, red with a mighty anger, wet with his tears like a little boy making a tantrum and so very similar of the day of the asthma crisis on the pier. His eyes particularly were sparkling like angry diamonds, full of lightning and disgust.   
He ignored Thor's hands to help him get up, crawled on the ground to stand back up far way from Thor.   
Once on his feet, he ran to the gate, obviously running from Thor and his despair.   
He turned around just when he was about to close the gate, preventing Thor to follow him inside. He looked horribly disfigured by his fuming and also by a terrible sens of being betrayed. He looked at Thor right in the eyes and opened a mouth like the one of a volcano. 

“BASTARD !! Bastard !! All of you, LYING, deceitful BASTARDS !!”

And with this, he sobbed and clanged the gates behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some "chaste" smut... The relationship depens... Enjoy :) !

Loki had spent the rest of the day in his room, moping about how badly he had handled the incident…

Once he had calmed down, he had to realize the true reason of his anger, the deep-down motive of his violence. There was indeed the fact that Thor had no right to kiss him without asking permission, the fact that he had hidden his interest for Loki's under the cover of a casual friendship… Those were bad enough but menial compared to what really made Loki mad. 

The fact that Tony never kissed him properly. Not even once. Only impersonal, quickly made little pecks. After all he had done to Loki, he couldn't condescend to such an intimate gesture. 

And the fact that, contrary to Tony, Thor had done it right away. Before anything would have happened between them. 

The gap between the two men and the difference in their attitudes towards Loki was too much to bear and incomprehensible. Thor's boldness was as disturbing as Tony's carelessness. The discrepancy was frightening.   
He had loved Tony and Tony had discarded him without even the decency of a warning. Loki had only liked and trusted Thor, up to a certain point, and Thor had had a similar rudeness by claiming Loki's mouth. The irony was not lost on Loki. Thor had possessed the one thing that had remained more or less untouched after Tony's passage.   
Now, Loki didn't know what to do. He was tempted not to see Thor anymore, not to make any new acquaintances, nor meeting other people. It seemed to Loki as if he was cursed... Anyone that came into his orbit and won his trust seemed to have ulterior motives and determined to betray him.   
Yet, when he went to his computer later, he realized that Thor had already sent a panicked email. 

Loki wanted to throw it out right away. But he was curious about what Thor had to say about all of this. Surely, it would be complaints about Loki's refusal and assurance that he was not to see him ever again. Loki felt an unexpected pang at the idea of losing Thor's friendship… Unbelievable, why would he feel guilty or sad ? Nonetheless, he opened the mail...

 

“ Dear Loki (it said...)  
Please, do not erase this until you have read it to the end. I am sorry. I don't know how to say it properly. I am really, really sorry.   
Okay, I lied, or rather, I didn't tell you the whole truth right away. I didn't tell you that I like you, I like you very, very much. I even think I love you.   
I know that's no excuse, that I still hid it and scared you. But I really wanted you to see that I am dead serious about you and I am not afraid, nor ashamed, of my feelings for you.   
I want us to be together. Of course, if you don't feel the same for me, I'll respect that. I won't pressure you for anything. But at least, let's remain friends, let's be like before and forget about what I did to you today...  
The point is I love you so much. I can't bear to be parted from you. It's okay if you don't love me but please don't cut me off your life. I'll be devastated if you do...   
Again, do not punish me for being an idiotic fool, crazy in love for you.   
I love you and I am sorry. Please answer back, even if it is to tell me to piss off… I need to know where you want us to stand...  
Yours ever, Thor.” 

 

Loki had to think. He had no idea of what to do. Thor LOVED him ? Why ? What for ? How come a football high school superstar like Thor would care about a nerd like Loki ? Didn't he have many blond cheerleaders with perky tits and an equivalent superficiality for his pleasure ? Why grim, serious, unpopular Loki ? Why bother ?   
Loki was divided between telling Thor to go to hell and never come back and demanding an explanation. He was so tired about all this emotional hassle he was tempted to cease any connection with Thor. He was bone-deep weary about that murky soup of sentiments. But curiosity had the better of it. Knowing Thor a little better, he had to admit the man had a brain, sensibility and sensitivity. Even a natural instinct in deciphering people. But he appeared to be extremely naive… So… Again, what had he seen in Loki that was that much interesting ?   
Loki made up his mind and send Thor a text. 

“Tomorrow. My place. 9am. Until then, keep it down. Don't waste my time.” 

 

****

The next day was Sunday. Loki's father was off to his fishing and hunting or whatever with his business partners, his Mom off with her shopping addiction, his brothers were god-knows-where there is chums, and/or beer, and/or football, and/or blond cheerleaders with big tits...  
Loki knew Thor and him would be alone and undisturbed until late in the afternoon.   
He was taking chances. He had no idea what Thor would say or do for his defense. 

9 am sharp, as Loki knew Thor would, Thor showed up at Loki's door, a contrite and anxious little smile on his lips and a huge bunch of strongly scented red roses in his arms. It was so big some fell on the threshold and Loki had to reluctantly pick them up.   
Roses were a shrewd blow. Loki was a little angered by it. Thor already knew some of his weak points.   
Yet Loki silently invited Thor in, took the roses, settled them in his mother's biggest Baccarat crystal vase (since no one cared about flowers in this household, except Loki, that beautiful vase was taking the dust in the cupboard) and opened a beer for Thor and him. During the whole operation, which lasted about 10 minutes, Thor had to wait in the living room. His knees were shaky from the tension, yet he had to be patient until Loki deigned to finish. He had the vague impression that Loki was taking his time just to make his point clear. Just to show that he was in charge, not Thor...   
Thor was not going to lead this conversation. He was expected to provide a thorough explanation. He knew that whatever his and Loki's relationship with each other might take form into, it would all depend on what Thor would say to justify himself. 

“So,” Loki said, putting the bottles down, “Start talking.”   
Thor deeply breathed, as if about to dive.   
“I am sorry.”  
Loki barked a bitter laugh.   
“That's all ?! You already mentioned that in your mail ! I expected you to have a little more imagination !!”  
“What do you want me to say, Loki ?” Thor put his palm upward as if in surrender to Loki's wrath. “I am in love with you. I hid it to you because I was scared of your reaction. I did something stupid and I have no idea how to make it up to you. So tell me !” He reached out to Loki, insisting. “Tell me what to do ?”  
Loki had to admit he had no idea. He wasn't that much angry anymore. Thor loved him and seemed sincere, almost desperate about it. This was not entirely unexpected but it was totally new to Loki. He didn't have the manual to deal with this type of situation.   
And the last time he had been confronted to this kind of emotions had been an utter disaster... 

“You really love me ?” Loki murmured, more intrigued than angry.   
Thor nodded, his lips pursued in anxious earnestness. He DID look eager and earnest. But Loki didn't know what to believe any more. At that point, Loki made a decision. Again, he had no idea of what to do but he could deal with it the way he had been shown how to.   
“Let's go to my room.” 

****

Thor climbed up the stairs behind Loki with a feeling of being in a completely absurd situation. 

One minute, Loki seemed ready to show him the door and to tell him not to come back ever. The next, he was offering Thor a private visit in his bedroom, a place Thor knew he let no one in. Not even Tony actually, but Thor couldn't know that...  
Considering that they were going to be alone for a good moment, any dude in their school would have thought that this was a free card for something really naughty.   
But Loki's attitude was weird. Cold, detached, even... resigned.   
As if he was doing something he felt obliged to do and didn't like it one bit even though he had to.  
Thor had no idea what to think of all of this. None of it made sense. But he was determined to see what was it that Loki wanted from him. 

Once in Loki's mysterious den, Thor took a minute to admire his beloved's personal space. It was a surprisingly spartan room with the minimum of furniture. Not a sign of personalization. It was deprived of any poster or image of any kind that were the usual decoration for a teenager. Yet it was very luminous with a large window that had a full view on the Laufeysons' beautiful garden. The room was filled up to the ceiling with shelves full of books and a huge desk with a brand new mac was standing in the middle. Everything there meant business more than leisure or rest...  
Thor was put out of his musings when he saw what Loki was doing

Loki was standing in front of the large white bed, his back on Thor, and he had started undressing.  
He was taking off his sweater, revealing fine shoulders and a very white back. Obviously, Loki didn't like to tan. Thor thought he wanted to change clothes but then Loki put down his pants and showed Thor a pair of rather plain boxers that weren't very sexy but caused him a shock nonetheless...  
Thor was mesmerized by the long, muscled legs and the feet that seemed graceful. Yet, he was not enough fascinated not to notice that this little display didn't look enticing or provocative at all. Indeed, it was the perfect antithesis of a strip tease. Loki could have been all alone in his room, it would have looked exactly the same.   
And he was still turning his back on Thor. 

Soon Loki was totally naked and endeavored to lie down on the bed, exposing himself to Thor's eyes.   
Just as Tony had ordered him the first time, Loki breathed a bit and spreadeagled himself on the sheet, bare and offered so Thor could do what he had to do.   
Loki didn't want to lose Thor's friendship. He was sick with loneliness. So, if the type of sex Tony fancied was the price to keep Thor's affections, so be it. 

Loki had absolutely no idea of what he was doing. 

Neither was Thor.   
What he had dreamed about for weeks was handed over to him on a silver platter, fully exposed on the white sheet. He was literally drooling on that beautiful sight. If he had had no sense of decency or sensibility, Thor would have hurled himself onto that magnificent body without any consideration for Loki's feelings. Thor was ashamed of starting to get hard but, contrary to what many would have done in this situation, he still had some blood left in his brain.  
Because Loki had not behaved like a lover trying to seduce his partner.   
He had behaved like a worn-out prostitute, wearily trying to satisfy a repulsive client.   
Of course, Thor knew that if he said that aloud, he could kiss his private parts good-bye...

Loki kept his eyes shut, waiting for the weight of Thor's body on him or for Thor to tell him what to do, turn around or something... But nothing happened.   
Instead he felt that he was being covered with one of the left over blankets that stood aside. Thor was lying next to him but instead of taking him, he was actually covering him like an adult would do with a sick child !   
“What the hell are you doing ?!” Loki screamed, sitting up, opening his eyes in rage to see Thor's perplexed face.   
“I could ask you the same question, baby. What in heaven do you think you are doing ?”   
He had asked it without any kind of stress in his voice but he was clearly confused.   
Loki grabbed the sheet, unconsciously hiding his chest like a maiden. If Thor clearly didn't want Loki, there was no reason for him to see more naked skin.   
“I thought you wanted to... You said you love me...”  
“I do.”  
“Then why don't you … ?”  
Thor frowned. “It doesn't look to me as if you really want it, baby.”  
Loki slightly opened his mouth, unsure of what to say... Thor considered his attitude for a moment.   
“Baby... Me loving you doesn't mean we have to do it right here and now. Especially if you are not in the mood.”  
Loki felt a strange cold washing over him. Thor's words, as reasonable as they sounded, also had a dreary undertone. Something that really scared Loki. He was incapable of saying what. By the way, Loki didn't like Thor to call him 'baby.' It reminded him too much of someone else...  
“I don't understand...” Loki faintly murmured, clutching the cover.   
Thor crawled so as to be very close. Loki was still sitting with his hands on the sheet and now he had Thor, laid down and looking upward to him, his head resting on his hand.   
“Baby, we'll do what you want us to do. ” Thor softly said. “Tell me what you want, sweetie ?”   
Loki clenched his teeth. 

I want you to get out. He thought. I want you to stay. I want you to get out and never come back. I want Tony back. I want Tony to rot in hell. I want you to stop call me 'baby' or call me at all. I want you to hug me. I want Tony to hug me. I want you both dead. I want to be like I used to be before all of this. Before Tony. Before you. I want, I want, I want...

“I don't know.” He said eventually.   
Thor smiled, still looking upward in Loki's eyes. He was dying to take Loki in his arms, to caress him, to hold him... But something told him not to do anything. Just to wait.  
“Then, sweetheart, I'll wait. I'll wait until you know what to do.”   
“You're in for a long wait.” Loki bitterly said.   
“As long as needed.” Thor yawned. “But right now, I won't say no to a little nap.” He started to close his eyes. “I worried myself sick all night about you...”  
He settled down, close to Loki and actually closed his eyes and quickly fell into sleep... Fully dressed, almost spooning against a naked, flabbergasted Loki.   
The dumb blond was actually snoring ! Loki was stark naked, available and consenting (or was he ?) and that oaf was sleeping like the dead ! And he had the gall to suggest that it was Loki's fault !  
Loki was vexed but in the same time, relieved... He was not going to endure what Tony did to him again.   
As he was in turn slowly dozing off, listening to Thor's calm breathing, Loki wondered how did they look like, dressed and naked, chastely sleeping next to each other. He wondered what was going to happen next between them. It seemed that Thor assumed he was forgiven and that their friendship wasn't altered. That things would go on as they were. Loki, deep inside, seriously doubted that. 

Furthermore, and that was bad, Thor's respectful attitude and concern for Loki's needs cast a terrible light on Tony's actions...

****

Actually, nothing changed between them the following weeks. They went to school together, they had some classes together, Loki came again to Thor's matches, Thor went to the rehearsals of Loki's theater club... Nothing much for some time. It did seem that nothing had happened, that Thor didn't know every inch of Loki's nakedness... They never talked about it.   
Loki was satisfied with this situation. As long as life went on without the sentimental hassle, everything was fine. Thor acted as if it was the case, anyway...

Then, surprisingly, Loki's brothers asked them both to come to their camping party in Loki's father log cabin in the woods. Well, calling this chalet a “log cabin” was a bit naive. It was Loki's father's private hunting cottage with all the comfort possible. He used it to receive his business partners.   
Loki was amazed. His brothers never wanted Loki to go with them, especially when they were with girls, which was the case. They were bringing along their current girlfriends. Bill told Thor he could also bring his own with a heavy wink of the eye and a raucous laughter. So subtle, Loki angrily thought.   
If he hadn't been fuming about his brother's lack of delicacy, Loki would have noticed Thor's strange smile...

So they went, Loki, Thor, Loki's brothers and the two girls. Loki already regretted coming for the promiscuity was going to be difficult for him. He didn't know why he had accepted any more. He had been surprised and said yes right away for it was the very first time he was doing something with his brothers. It was a change from being constantly ignored. Besides, Thor was coming and Loki suspected he was the real reason for this invitation. Bill and Larry wanted to have good rapports with their rival, probably to study him, outside the school. The fact that Loki seemed to be Thor's pet, as he used to be Tony's, was convenient. In the car, Loki's excitement started to fade into annoyance.   
Maybe Thor was able to sense his changes of mood by now, for he put his arm around Loki's shoulder. Loki made a tiny jump at the unexpected gesture. Thor was still talking and laughing to the audience as if he wasn't making a very personal touch to his supposed best friend. No one seemed to mind. Loki, curiously, felt reassured by this weight on his neck and started to relax. 

As Loki had predicted himself, the “camping party” was a pretext for drinking around a fire, smoking pot (Loki stored this piece of news of his brothers smoking illegal stuff for himself. Their coach would be thrilled, indeed...), display themselves with the girls and laugh at Thor for being “abstinent.” Bill, already drunk, even asked him if he had made a “chastity pledge.”  
Thor simply laughed back and put his arm around Loki again. Loki noticed he had a weird angry glimmer in his eyes. It freaked him out.   
Loki was embarrassed and deduced that his brothers were too far gone to see that Thor's behavior towards Loki was a little too much affectionate for a simple friend, even a close one.   
As Loki knew it would happen, at two in the morning, the two couples, after a lot of public groping and sloppy kisses, would retire to their respective bedrooms. 

Thor and Loki had taken the couch in the living room and left the two rooms to the others. Loki wasn't apprehensive about sleeping close to Thor again so he quickly dozed off after wishing Thor's good night.   
A few minutes after, Loki was awaken by characteristic little noises. The regular pounding of a bed against the wall (multiplied by two), moans and groans and tiny shrieks... The disgusting music of people having intercourse, not one couple, but two at the same time... Delightful.   
Loki grumbled in exasperation. The last straw. His brothers were douches and exhibitionists. He couldn't understand how could any girl could stand them. The alcohol and the pot must have turned into rot what was left of their brains...   
Loki was tired and angry and wished he could just have some peace and quiet when he realized something embarrassing.   
He was hard.   
It had been months but finally his body was requiring his undivided attention. Loki had felt numb and indifferent after Tony and nothing had awaken it ever since, not even Thor. It had only sufficed a distasteful display of his brothers' sexual exploits to make it new and shiny. Loki tried to cover his ears but it was useless since the moans from the rooms increased.   
Feeling hot with shame, Loki took himself in his own hand. He hated it. When he was little and still attending church and Sunday school, he had been regularly fed about how horrible it was to masturbate, how sinful and dangerous, how you could go blind and other similar amazingly stupid lies...   
Yet they had their effects for Loki never liked touching himself like that. He worked on it but there was very little pleasure, as if it was mechanical.  
Then he felt like a burn on him.   
Thor, who was sleeping on the other side, had turned around and was looking at him with comically wide and surprised eyes. 

Before Loki would think of anything to say to justify his actions, Thor crawled to be as close as possible to Loki and, without further ado, wrapped his hand around Loki's shaft and put Loki's own hand to his own.   
Thor's sex felt like a rock. It seemed huge and a little repulsive. Yet he was settling the pace and caressing Loki at the same time. Loki found himself unable to stop.   
“Thor, what...”  
“Hush, baby...”  
Thor's hand felt like a warm sheath, smooth and thrilling. The feeling of Thor's erection was more impressive but Loki had the weakness to feel a little pride with being the cause of Thor's pleasure more than the despicable vocal show in the bedrooms. The heat was starting to be unbearable, the scent of Thor's aroused body was beginning to be a little overwhelming. Maybe it was the smoke of pot Loki had inadvertently inhaled, but he felt as if he was losing his mind.   
“It is so... so...”  
“Hot ?”  
“Yes,” Loki panted. “But, it is... shameful...”   
“Shameful, baby ?” Thor gave a harder caress and Loki softly gasped. “There is nothing shameful in this. I am yours. Are you mine ?” And with this he buried his face in Loki's neck, as if kissing or biting it. It gave Loki such a sharp bolt of pleasure he almost yelped. He had never felt anything like that, ever. And certainly not with Tony... Yet he didn't answer Thor's question.  
“Thor, Thor...”   
Loki's voice strangled. Thor was going faster and something was bound to happen.   
“Thor, we can't...”  
“I am so close, baby... You ?” Thor's voice was a grunt. He was moving faster and Loki couldn't control what was happening.   
“Thor !” He had almost yelled and Thor covered his mouth with his free hand. And then he came in Thor's hand while Thor gave a heavy breath and came in turn. Loki's own hand was all wet.   
“Yes, baby... Let go...”  
Loki sighed and whimpered under Thor's palm. They calmed down and their rested their brows against each other, waiting for their hearts to grow calmer. 

Loki fell asleep against Thor, as close as if they were lovers. He had no time to think about what had just occured, not even to worry about what his brothers would say if they found them together like that...


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello there ! Whola lotta smut coming ! Enjoy yourselves !

The trip ended rather quickly and nothing of importance occurred besides the nightly “incident.”  
It seemed like no one had noticed nor talked about what had happened that night. Not even Thor, privately, with Loki, about why they had ended with their hands wrapped around each other's dicks…  
Why, indeed ? 

Loki had difficulties not to turn as red as a tomato, each time he remembered the feel of Thor's caresses. He couldn't even raise his head to meet Thor's eyes. Sometimes he even doubted it really happened for Thor remained the same, laughing, chatting with the boys and the girls, pretending to be interested in their inane babbling, trying to remain composed with their dubious humor.   
Loki noticed a hidden tension in Thor's shoulder when Bill burst out with laughter, saying that he was worried Thor and Loki might catch “gay-ness” while sleeping together. It was a mean, homophobic thing to say, not very surprising coming from him. Loki knew he wanted to destabilize Thor, to make him nervous so he could have the upper hand on their underlying rivalry. Nevertheless, it gave Loki goosebumps. What if Bill knew … ?   
Loki thought then that Thor would come to his senses and realized that whatever they had been doing was... sinful, obscene, unnatural, inappropriate, whatever. He was going to ignore Loki, the same way Tony had once he had had Loki. And he would be left, discarded, again.   
Loki felt his eyes burn and his throat was starting to constrict, warning signs of a coming asthma crisis... He hated it, being so weak, powerless against all of this…  
But Thor grabbed Loki's neck in a rough-and-tumble kind of way and declared that, hearing the mess Bill, Harry and the girls did almost every night they drank, their virility was in good shape and they didn't have to torment their pretty little heads about it.   
Bill turned red, Harry smirked in a lopsided way (Loki knew his brother's body language for anger and embarrassment) and the girls oohed and aahed at Thor's daring reply. Everyone chose to laugh a but it was a sinister one. Loki thought that they were all a very pretty bunch of hypocrites…

Except that Loki also saw that glimmer of rage in Thor's eyes, the very same he had each time Bill was toeing the line…   
And Loki had the dreadful feeling that he was going to pay for this antagonism…

They had to come home eventually and Loki felt that this was the last time he was going to be that close to Thor. His brothers' taunting might have had their effect and Thor would be more cautious around Loki now...  
As he was alone in the backyard, placing the bags in the car trunk, sighing at the thought of his upcoming loneliness, he was brutally grabbed from behind and found himself pulled on Thor's chest in a powerful bear hug that almost took his breath away and woke up his asthma...  
“I don't want to go...” Mumbled Thor in Loki's hair... “I don't want you to go... I want us to be together, always...”  
Loki closed his eyes. Being in Thor's arms was like being wrapped in a warm blanket or a safe and muffled cocoon. It was so tempting to drown in this comfort, to forget everything in this warmth...   
But they had their lives. They had to move on. Thor had his next match to plan and Loki, his final exams. Not to mention that Loki carried a heavy piece of luggage named “Tony” and another called “My Narrow-Minded Family.” Loki had no idea how did Thor call his own suitcases but he must have one or two, like everyone else...   
“We can't...” Murmured Loki. “Thor, please, let me go.”  
Thor only answered by covering Loki's mouth with his. It simply spread fire through to the tiniest of Loki's veins. Loki could have burst from the warmth. It was really unexpected. Each time Thor kissed him in this “I-am-taking-control-of-your-lips” way, Loki simply lost his mind. It sounded very cliché, but he had never felt something like this and certainly not with Tony. That thought made him sad somehow...  
When Thor finally released his mouth, he sighed, resigned.   
“All right, but I'll see you soon and how.”  
And the look on his eyes illustrated his determination perfectly. It made weird shivers down Loki's spine. Thor let him go with a sad smile and they had to resume their packing and loading. 

Tony wanted to ask him why. Why was he doing this, why was he pursuing Loki, what was he seeing in Loki that was so mesmerizing but that no one seemed to see nor care, not even the one Loki had loved so much once ?   
So many questions, so little answers...   
Yet, on the way home, he had the vague feeling that there would be a “before this trip” and an “after this trip.” That his relationship with Thor, whatever it was, had irremediably changed. For better or worse.   
He didn't know that it wasn't the only thing that had changed for he was consumed in his own thought about Thor.   
He hadn't noticed the weird look in his brothers' eyes, both directed at Thor. 

****

Loki was busy for some time so he couldn't see Thor properly for weeks. Yet, time fled quickly. He managed to assist to Thor's football training between two lessons and cheered him on very sincerely.   
He had a little jump of heart each time Thor turned around, all dirty and exhausted from his exertions but managed a wink through the shield of his helmet. A wink Loki knew was meant only for him but some of the girls in the audience, especially the most cheeky cheerleaders, thought were for themselves. Loki had a sort of pang in his chest when of those dolled-up silly brats started to shriek at Thor. That was weird indeed.   
They met at the refectory, they sat together but as there were always witnesses, mostly Loki's brothers and their usual retinue of witless lackeys and chattering pom-pom girls, they couldn't talk properly. Thor appeared close to Loki but not much. He, too, was cautious.   
Loki knew it was only circumstances that forced them to leave it at that. Nonetheless, he felt a longing that was almost similar to the one he used to feel about Tony. 

One evening, Bill and Harry gave Loki that same weird look he didn't notice. It was a little baleful. They asked him how was Thor, since they were so good friends, so close buddies now... Loki answered that Thor was fine, thank you very much, for all he could tell presently. They were really annoying with this. They wanted to pressure Loki into giving personal pieces of information about Thor, information that Loki was definitively not going to give them, ever.   
In between their own preoccupations, the parents noticed the unusual tension in their sons' attitude towards each other. Any realtionship had been non-existent and now it was loaded with an unknown menace. But, knowing the Laufeyson, it was quickly forgotten with a shot of brandy and the next shopping spree.   
And yet, Loki had not realized any of it for all he was thinking about was Thor. And even THAT he had not truly realized...

Had he been a little more conscious of his surroundings and what was happening around him at that time, maybe a lot of troubles and heartbreaks for him and Thor could have been prevented.   
Or maybe not, who knows ? 

****

One morning Loki woke up in an ambiguous mood.   
He had dreamed that Thor had climbed up his bedroom window with a ladder (without a noise which was impossible in real life, the roof tiles being squeaky at the slightest whiff of wind), had tiptoed to his bed and taken Loki into his arms.   
The rest was very confusing. A mixture of heat, Thor's strange growling, like the one of an animal, his mouth on Loki's throat and his weight on Loki's body, crushing him but not in a painful way. Loki's hushed pleadings for Thor to stop... And Loki brutal flash of pleasure that was the mortifying proof that he had had a wet dream about his current best friend.   
He still wasn't sure he loved Thor, he still thought of Tony now and then. But the dream had been disturbingly vivid and even... highly pleasurable.   
He missed Thor, that was for sure. Probably wanted him even, though that he wasn't completely sure. Whether he loved him or not was a different matter. 

And at the end of the month, things got easier for them. Summer was coming. That meant freedom, possibility of seeing each other more often...   
As if they were sharing a telepathic bound, they both acted the same way.   
They kept seeing each other in public with their usual bunch of “friends” sort of. Thor had his own posse of admirers, both male and female, both annoyed with Nerdy Loki's constant presence and the fact that he seemed definitively to be Thor's favorite. Most of them were renown leeches that used to bow to his brothers. They wouldn't even have noticed Loki's presence and they had to right now. Thor was polite and amiable to everyone, whatever their reasons to come close to him, but no one took Loki's place in his affections and trust. The fact that they had traded sides for Thor said a lot about his brothers' current level of popularity.   
Thor was the up and coming force while Harry and Bill were starting to go down.   
That wasn't boding well...

Then, at the end of may, Loki was a little more free. The house was more or less empty. His parents were off to a spa. Loki had to hide a laugh seeing his father's face when his mother announced him she had booked the hotel for a weekend to rest and do sightseeing. That was the kind of thing he considered as a “woman thing.”  
Bill was at his current girlfriend's because it was “closer to the training camp.” Harry spent his whole day at the gym and at his friends' for “decompressing.”   
Loki stayed at home, reading, studying, drinking his favorite tea and listening to music. It was quite enjoyable. And then he heard the ding of his phone telling him he had received a text. Probably Mom.   
It was Thor. “Miss U so much. Where R U ?”  
Loki replied “Home alone.” He hesitated then added “ Wanna come ?”

He felt the familiar shiver of dread, excitement and fear under his skin. He called himself insane. He was going to be in trouble, big time. He had just invited the wolf in the log cabin.   
But he couldn't help it.   
Thor arrived ten minutes later. Five minutes after it, he was settled quite comfortably on Mrs. Laufeyson's brand new leather sofa, a beer in his hand and quietly eyeing his prey whose porcelain-like skin went rosy and not because of the drink.   
“What are you looking at ?” Loki laughed. He tried to make the atmosphere lighter but he was definitively nervous. Scared even. He insulted himself for the umpteenth time for being such a fool and letting him in of all people. Thor kept following him with his eyes while drinking in the same time.   
“You. I am looking at you. Been a long time since I could look at you without all these jerks around to spy on our private business.”  
Loki made a giggle that was a little forced.   
“Come, baby. I missed you so much.”   
And quickly he set the bottle on the coffee table, grabbed Loki's waist and made him sit on his knees. Loki found himself with Thor's arms around him, his chest on Thor's and Thor's scratchy beard on his neck. 

“Thor, please...”   
Thor was caressing him all over, pulling his shirt out of his jeans so that he could feel more skin. Loki was both thrilled and terrified. He was losing control of the situation.  
“Mmmh, baby, you feel so good...”  
Loki trembled. Thor's rumble was almost vibrating inside him. It was so easy to give up. So easy to let Thor set the pace. For some reason, Loki trusted Thor.   
He realized then that he had never trusted Tony. Not entirely.   
And before Loki knew it he was answering Thor's caresses, shyly running his hands on the large shoulders and broad back. Was it the normal way to love someone at least physically ? To touch, yes, but also being touched ? To have your kisses returned ? Loki had a sick feeling in his stomach. If that was what should be considered as normal, what the hell had Tony done to him ?

Then brutally, Loki broke the kiss, pushed Thor away and rose from the sofa. He felt as if on the brink of vomiting on his mother's precious Persian rug. He felt violated by this brutal awakening. How could he have been so stupid ? So naive ?   
“Loki ? Love ? What's wrong ?”  
Loki felt the tears without feeling himself crying. He had been more than betrayed. He had been used and abused. Tony had planned everything probably from the beginning. Or perhaps not. He had simply taken the opportunity because he had seen Loki the lovestruck, silly little goose. The good piece of cake... So easy to take. He had not even the decency to... to...  
“Baby ! Baby, don't cry, please ! Baby, I am so sorry, please calm down !”  
Loki was swimming, his head coming and going at the mercy of contradictory and violent thoughts. He was not hearing Thor anymore. He had forgotten about his once dominant presence. All he heard was a distant babbling and that he was being forced to sit again on the sofa.   
“I thought you were in the mood, baby. I swear, that's all ! I didn't want you to...”  
“I have been raped.”

Thor froze instantly. The voice seemed to come from under a grave. He wasn't even sure it was Loki speaking if he had not seen the trembling thin lips move under the shine of the tears.   
“I was in love with him... He was my friend... I thought he was my only friend... And he raped me.”  
Thor could feel his heartbeat getting into a crazy race. His blood was rushing to his ears full speed. Who ? What ? How could it be ? What the hell ?   
“He said... If I didn't... He said... If I said no, he wouldn't...”  
Thor had to muster all his will to put a lid of iron on his mounting anger, his need to scream, to demand... But he bit his tongue quite hard and forced himself to silence. He had to. Loki needed to talk first and this was bad business... Very bad.   
Someone had hurt his Loki.   
Someone would pay. Whoever he might be. That was Thor Odinson's word. 

Some minutes after, though they felt like centuries, Thor managed to get to most of the story. Loki had been in love with some rich asshole jerk. Said rich asshole jerk had pressured him for sex. Loki had been a virgin with very little knowledge of gay sex, or rather, very little knowledge of sex in general and the rules of consent in particular. Now, everything was clear. It explained the state Loki was in when Thor had met him...  
Thor was ready to shed blood. 

Between sobs and incoherent moaned phrases, Thor tried to make Loki say the name of the future corpse. But Loki screamed that he would rather die than saying the name of that guy aloud ever again.   
Or rather because he knew what Thor was capable of if Loki ever spilled the beans.  
“I'll never... Why would you want to know anyway ? It doesn't concern you...”  
Thor pressed his mouth tightly and his nose started to wrinkle. That made him look practically like a pit bull. Hell, it didn't concern him... But he chose to calm down.  
“Well, before I castrate him and make him eat his willy and his own balls with barbecue sauce in front of all of his friends, I would like to have the decency to know his name.”  
Loki opened his mouth in shock.  
“One doesn't want to be rude...”  
Thor had said the last phrase with a perfect posh imitation of his own mother.   
It worked. Loki looked at him with round, reddish and wet green eyes then burst out laughing. And then cry some more, and then laughed again.   
“You are a fool.”   
Thor made a very large and goofy smile but what he really wanted to say was “You just told me that the boy I am madly in love with has been raped by someone that should have loved him back and protected him and I am being the fool here ?”  
But he said nothing and simply hugged his shivering beloved. Thor wished he had met Loki sooner. He would have protected him with his life. Even if it meant going against the treacherous pig that Loki used to love. Probably loved still... 

Thor painfully realized that, whatever had drawn Loki to him, it wasn't love. At least not the kind of love he had for the one that betrayed him.   
For what he understood of the whole thing, Loki was not responsible for this situation. He had no control on his feelings. It was not something he could will out and Thor had no say in it. Yet, it didn't mean that there was no hope left for Loki and him.   
Thor had to swallow his pride and carry on. There was no other options left.   
“Want me to leave, baby ? Want to have some peace to think ?”   
He was leaving the choice to Loki, allowing him a decent way out without any hard feelings.   
Loki sighed. He felt empty. The burden he had been carrying alone for so long was gone. He was light and dizzy. All of a sudden, loneliness didn't seem so good any more. Thor knew. Thor was the only one to know besides Loki and... the one who hurt Loki. All of a sudden, Thor was all he asked for.   
“No... I want you to stay right now.”  
“I need you” was not something Loki was ready to say yet.   
“Anything you want, baby...” Thor answered.   
Loki silently spread himself on the sofa. Thor helped him rest his head on his knees and his legs to lay on the free space of the couch. Loki sighed and closed his eyes.   
Thor wanted to keep him awake. They had to have a serious talk. Loki had been the victim here and the other one was roaming free, whoever he was. They HAD to do something...  
But not now... Not when Loki was so peaceful at last, when his features were not carrying this discreet tension any more. 

****

They had remained a little while and probably Loki had fallen asleep a bit. When he opened his eyes, they hadn't moved at all.   
“You've been there all this time ? Didn't you get cramps or something ?” Loki asked rising from Thor's knees.   
“It's all right, baby, you seemed to sleep good. I didn't want to disturb you. Not like there is somewhere else better to stay than here with you.”  
He caressed a lock on Loki's brow.   
Then what Loki felt at this touch was hunger.   
He wanted Thor, right here and now. On him. In him.   
It was burning inside him like a furnace. Thor's fair and soft true blond skin, blue eyes, full lips and golden beard. Thor was the one thing he desired most in the world. He was literally an anchor Loki wanted to grab and never let go. It was scary but too strong to deny.  
“Stay with me.” Loki breathed.   
Thor opened his eyes wide. He had sensed the change in Loki but couldn't believe it was real.   
“You sure, baby ? I don't want you to feel...”  
Pressured, he wanted to say.   
Loki was desperate. Ready to cry again.   
“Of course, I am sure !” He was about to stomp his foot and do a desperate tantrum like a little boy. “By god, Thor ! Hold me, kiss me, grab me, do me, whatever ! Just do something !”   
Thor made a low throaty growl.   
“Where's your bedroom ?”  
Loki pointed upstairs. Thor made another growl and hauled up Loki in his arms. Loki, out of reflex, hang on Thor's neck and surrounded Thor's waist with his legs, as if trying to climb a large tree.   
They went up the stairs to the room that way. 

They had tumbled on Loki's bed, ripping each others' clothes in a frenzy. Loki was not thinking straight and, for once, it was heavenly. Thor was all that mattered. He just let it go, maybe for the first time in his life. It was simply perfect.   
But then, he was technically speaking stark naked on the rumpled bed sheet. Looming over him, like a golden eagle over a tiny rabbit, was standing an equally naked Thor.   
More like a lion, for his usually tidy blond hair was now making a sort of messy yellow mane. Loki had completely ruined his hairdo by roughly combing it with his hands.   
Either way, lion or eagle, he was now a predator and the most beautiful one Loki had ever seen.   
Every part of his highly trained body displayed discipline and efforts, bruises and scars but also perfectly sculpted muscles, a weird idealization of the male body. Loki was attracted to virility but Thor was a sort of super-virility, something too big for him. He wanted to grab the sheet and hide himself but, now, it was too late...   
Thor would certainly be mad about this rejection and...  
Loki shook his head to fight his own thoughts. Probably, Thor had guessed what was going on in his head.   
“Baby, we go on, we stop, we continue... It's yours to say...”  
Loki shyly examined him.   
“It's just... You're... Are you sure you won't be angry if...?”  
“If you say no ?” Completed Thor. “Baby, you have every right to say no. Although...” He undulated like a snake on Loki's shivering limbs. “If you let me do it my way, you'll be screaming lots of yesses...”  
Loki smiled. Again, Thor had a way with things and anyways, Loki could feel himself burning again on the lightest of Loki's touch.   
“Go on, then...” Loki smiled to hide his embarrassment...

****

Thor's hands everywhere, his mouth on his, his skin covering his...  
“Has anyone taken you into their mouth ?”  
Loki was in a blur but he hear this clearly. He shook his head to say no. He was so hot, his hair was sticking to his brow and he was almost out of breath.   
Being with Thor was like fighting in the water and swimming against the sea.   
He then felt Thor's wet and warm mouth around him. He gasped.   
Thor played with him for what seemed like hours. Licking, scratching, almost biting, sucking, taking, sucking...  
“Noooo ! Please ! Please, wait !”   
“What ? What's wrong ?”  
Loki could not turn more red than he actually was...  
“I... I think if you go on, I will...”  
Thor, sweaty, flushed and radiant made him a proud smirk.   
“Alright, baby... Then can I have you now ?”  
Loki felt a brief pang of fear. Yet, he didn't want to linger any longer on what had happened to him. As Thor said, his body was his to give or keep.   
And he wanted to know how it felt to have Thor inside of him.   
“You will be gentle ?”  
Loki sounded ridiculous to his ears but he needed to know.   
Thor made his goofy grimace.   
“Extra gentle with cherry on top...”

Indeed, he was. Loki, once again, refused to even think about his horrible previous experiences. But it was hard not to compare Thor's extraordinary care, his diligence with his mouth, his talented fingers that softly opened Loki's body with the clinical nothingness he had endured.   
Thor took all his time. Loki was embarrassed because it seemed as if Thor was looking for something in his body.   
Then a bolt of brutal pleasure literally struck and he let out a huge gasp. Thor stifled a laugh.   
“Meet your prostate, baby. The very thing that I am going to make you scream with !”  
Loki sneered.  
“You jerk...”  
Loki wanted to hide. He couldn't be more naked, more displayed, more open... And yet more ready to deliver himself, body and soul.  
“Can I now, baby ?” Thor murmured. “It looks like you're ready.”  
Loki nodded though he was not so sure. One glimpse at the space between Thor's thigh and he had guessed this was going to be a serious business. But Thor was considerate to his well-being so everything would be fine... Hopefully.   
More or less... Loki let a little sob. Thor was big, bigger than... He was penetrating slowly, with an excruciating softness. Loki felt possessed, utterly owned for the first time. This time, because he had wanted it.   
He felt a tear or two... He didn't mind but Thor did.   
“Sweetie, if it's too much...”  
But Loki again shook his head.   
“No, I'm okay... Just... Be kind to me.”  
“Always.”  
Loki panted. Thor then stopped.   
“There, baby. I am fully in. Now, I am going to move, okay ?”  
Loki clenched his teeth. This hardness coming and going... Forcing his flesh, almost. He was disappointed at first. He didn't feel much except the intrusion. It was starting to feel exactly like it used to be with Tony. 

Then, a tiny echo, a faint touch. Loki started to perceive a change that followed Thor's movements. Faster and faster, it grew. It went relentlessly, Loki had no control over it. He couldn't stop it even if he wanted to.   
He grabbed Thor's shoulders for dear life. This was new. This was powerful and demanding. He heard his own moaning before he knew he was making them.   
“Yeah, baby. Come for me.”  
Thor went in and out, increasing the pace. Holding back though the temptation to be rough was strong. Loki needed this, Loki needed all the time in the world...  
“Thor ! I'm close ! I'm...”  
Loki struggled for air, the feeling was now totally in him.   
Until it finally happened. Loki didn't scream but whimpered in Thor's shoulder while Thor bit his. 

****

They lazily woke up, tangled in their own arms and legs and the ruined bed covers. It was mid-afternoon, but the sun was still shining bright through the curtains. Loki could hear the birds and the neighbor mowing the lawn.   
It was so peaceful he wished neither of them would leave the bed and the day would never end.   
“Mmh, morning baby... Feeling good ?”  
Loki smiled and nodded. Too tired and relaxed to talk. It was perfect.   
Thor gave him a lazy-morning kiss.   
“I wanna fresh up, baby. Want me to bring you a beer ?”  
Loki closed his eyes and nodded again. Thor went to the attending bathroom, stark naked in his pure Texan shamelessness and perfection. Loki couldn't help being very interested in the sight. He stretched himself fully on the bed and gazed dreamily at the ceiling fan. Life was good. 

Then he heard a bang and Thor swearing. Loki stood up instantly and he saw Thor at the door, still naked, beers in hand and looking very nervous.   
“What ?” Loki asked. “What was it ? What's wrong ?”  
Thor looked at him, worried.   
“I don't know... I... Must be the wind, it slammed a window shut.”  
Loki breathed. He had felt his heart jump at the noise.   
“No matter, come to bed...”  
Loki invited him by patting the place next to him. They both settled comfortably, beers in hand, naked and perfectly happy. 

Deep inside, Loki tried to shut a tiny voice that kept saying that he had made sure that all the doors and windows were closed this morning.   
Definitively closed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New chapter ! Enjoy ! Thank you all for your support !

The Laufeysons' household was witnessing a true revolution. Loki, gloomy, grim, grumpy Loki had been transformed overnight into a brilliant joyful young man. 

Loki had literally blossomed. There was no other word for such a transformation. He had lost that orphan-like look, he had lost the anger and bitterness in his eyes. They were now replaced by a strange fire no one had ever seen on a Laufeyson face. Except maybe Bill and Harry, when they hit the ball...   
“Wassamater with ya?” Bill used to snort nastily. “You usin' or something ?”  
To this, their mother made a mild reprimand about manners and Loki simply smiled, which made his complexion as blooming as ever. He had something that made up for every bad thing that might happen to him.  
Loki was burning indeed. Burning with an unknown intensity, an overwhelming happiness, nothing could hurt him now or disturb his peace. Apparently.  
He was not in love. Not yet. But he was utterly, completely, loved.   
And that was even better.  
This felicity had nothing to compare with. It was only challenged by bouts of sadness when Thor had to leave. But Thor couldn't bear to be far away from Loki too long. So these bouts were rather short. 

The afternoon of their first time had seemed both long and short to Loki... They had spent the whole time in bed. They had at least two other rounds that were as exquisite as the first. Until Loki told Thor to stop or he would be too sore next morning. He didn't want his mother noticing him limping or his teachers wondering why did he look so exhausted. It made Thor laugh but yet, on his way home, he demanded that Loki called him when he was free so they could see each other. 

Loki couldn't believe such a thing was happening to him. He knew, of course, that sex could be good, amazing even. But the stories he had heard all around only related to straight relationships. Of course, no one mentioned the gay ones... They were non-existent. No one would admit that such a thing could only happen...  
After Tony, Loki had lost all hope of something meaningful. Now, with Thor, everything seemed possible. Thor knew how to please him, to make him happy. And thus Thor also seemed happy, in love.   
If only Loki could reciprocate...

Loki was ashamed sometimes, as if he was using Thor for sexual pleasure and had no concern for his feelings. He never mentioned the L. word though... He didn't have to, it was obvious in the light of his eyes.   
But, as if on cue, Thor and Loki only indulged on affection and the thrill of lust. Thor had a sexual appetite Loki had never seen the like. He was often demanding, finding impossible ways to see and kiss Loki at school. He would grab him by surprise, hide him behind a wall, a bush, a column, anything that could prevent any unwanted attention. And then kiss his brains away...   
Yet, that was daring but Thor knew the limits. It only lasted for a few seconds and then went their separate ways. Which was fine for Loki. Their little affair needed to remain a secret. More than ever. 

They found some time to spend together. It happened that Loki's house was more or less empty and his parents trusted him to watch over their priceless and futile possessions. Indeed, more than being watched over, they watched. Having the house for themselves gave them ideas and excitement. Never had Loki's bedroom heard so many cries of pleasure...  
One sweet mid-afternoon, Loki was lying in bed, in Thor's arms, body and mind fully content. Thor has been particularly thorough and considerate...  
“You have to be a god...” Loki purred softly, his head resting on Thor's chest. “You know me so well...”   
Thor laughed and it made Loki's head roll.   
“You're borderline on blasphemy, my love...” Thor chuckled.   
Then he stopped. He had called Loki something that shouldn't be mentioned between them right now. Hearing this, Loki's heart skipped a beat.   
'My love'... Again he wouldn't have believed in a million years anyone would ever call him that...   
No matter how passionate their kisses were, no matter how devouring their desire for each other was, there was still this gap.   
Thor loved him but Loki didn't. Not in the same way.   
Loki simply sighed and settled a bit more on Thor's chest. 

****

This detail set aside, they were happy. Thor wouldn't change anything for the world for now. Why bother ? Too hazardous. Loki was his in the particular way he could. Why push his luck ?  
When they left the house, this same afternoon, Loki surprised himself once again by the sadness knowing that Thor would leave until tomorrow.  
Whatever he had for him, this longing for him was real. 

****

Thor's family knew about Loki. Thor's Mom guessed their relationship during a dinner at their house. In fact, Thor had no secret for her and the sparkles he and Loki exchanged across the table while remaining as good and silent were unmistakable. Thor confessed to her and Pop the next day. They simply smiled and told him to remain careful. Not only for prophylactic reasons, but also because they had to remain careful.  
Thor and Loki were playing a dangerous game in this conservative milieu.   
Yet Thor also took it as an invitation and the Odinsons' place was safer that the Laufeysons'. Thor invited Loki every time they were on their own. They spent delightful hours there.   
For now, Thor desired for nothing. One month had passed without a care in the world (besides the one of being discovered, always present, always above their head, though invisible...) and Thor realized this was his longest male/male relationship and probably his more meaningful one.   
That was because, one afternoon when they were alone in his own room and after a rather sweet love-making, Thor took advantage of their after sex bliss to ask.   
“Baby...” Thor murmured. “I just love what we do but it is always the same way. Don't you want a little change ?”  
Loki was almost dozing off. He couldn't make out what Thor wanted to say.   
“What change, Thor ?”   
Thor smiled. “You want to have me ?”  
Loki chuckled. “ I had you more than once already...”  
Thor laughed. “Okay, I'll be less subtle. Wanna fuck me ?”  
Loki jumped as if Thor had bit him without any warning.   
“Are you kidding ?” Loki stared at him right in the eyes. “What the hell are you talking about?”  
“I'm talking about stuffing your big pole up my...”  
“Okay ! Okay !” Loki waved his hands. Crude words to explain sex had always been an embarrassment to him. “I get it but...”  
“But ?” Thor raised an eyebrow. “You don't feel like it ?”  
Loki realized then that he actually did feel like it. Except that it would have never crossed his mind, not in a million years. It seemed... inappropriate.  
Loki stammered. “Someone like you... With someone like me... ?”  
Thor sneered. “Whadaya mean 'someone like me' ? A big, strong beefcake like me can't take it up the ass by a little shrimp like you ? Is that it ?”   
“Thor !” Loki yelled indignant. “First, I am not a shrimp, you dork ! And second...” He hesitated. “I don't know... Are you sure you want it ?”  
Thor sighed.   
“Baby, sex is not an unchangeable thing. It has multiple ways and not only one-sided ones. And yes, I would like you to fuck me senseless because I want you. You under me or me under you doesn't mean the one under is the lesser man, baby. We do it because we want it. Period. It doesn't concern anyone else.”  
Loki went red. A little bit for shame for thinking in such a prejudiced way, a little bit because the idea of Thor laying before him, his legs spread and tempting him made him very hot...  
“Then... can we try ?” He smiled shyly. 

A little while later, Thor had prepared himself and had Loki to lay down. He endeavored to straddle him. Loki was surprised.   
“Let me show you, baby. Like this, I still have control and you can feel what I like and how you can make it good...”  
Loki nodded. He was impressed. Even like this, in a rather seductive and submissive way, Thor still looked amazing.  
He softly impaled himself, after having caressed Loki until he was full with desire.   
Being in Thor was a weird compressing sensation. It was almost hurtful but it was indeed powerful. Like a vice. It took his breath away.   
“Yea, baby... Like this...” Thor panted.   
He moved up and down and it made Loki whimper every time.   
“You so good, baby... Just let me...”  
Thor, voluntarily or not, constricted and Loki made a gasp. The sharp movement he had then made Thor yelp in turn.   
“Sorry ! Sorry !” Loki said. “Are you... ?”  
“No...” Thor smiled, still gasping. “Congratulations, baby, you found the good spot right away.”  
Loki turned bright red. This was so embarrassing and thrilling... It encouraged him to lift himself, grab Thor's waist with both hands and pump into him with enthusiasm. It was like fighting his own body who barely took the weight, the pressure on the tender parts but Thor's happy response told Loki he was doing right.   
“Yes, baby ! Yes ! Like this ! Yes !”  
Loki couldn't believe he was awake. He was thrusting into Thor's magnificent body. He was pumping him shamelessly and Thor was allowing him to do it. He could feel the mighty arms around his shoulders, Thor's blond head and soft hair on his temple.   
Then they both came at once and screamed. Thor had thrown his head back in fulfillment.  
They laid like this for hours, without making a sound or a move, in each other' arms.   
They briefly fell asleep. Yet Loki must have had a nightmare, for waking up, he felt as if Thor and him had been watched the whole time...

****

Thor couldn't hope for more... Well in fact, he was hoping for a little more indeed.  
Things were fine but there were many problems. Thor could accept the fact that Loki was incapable of reciprocating, for now.   
In fact, Thor didn't want to appear arrogant but he truly believed it was only a question of time before Loki's heart finally opened to him. Physical love as harmonious as this one couldn't lie. Thor had decided to remain patient and wait for Loki to come to him. Never to pressure him or demand anything too sentimental...  
He knew he would win this fight because it was a fairly easy one compared to the real matter...

What of the future ? What of this rich and narrow-minded community that would cast them off the minute they suspected anything ? Would they have to live in the shadows for the rest of their lives together ? Being apart night and day ? Unable to share nor build anything together ?   
Thor couldn't bear this thought. He dreamed of a life together, maybe not a big house but an apartment in town. They would both have their jobs and be together in the evening. Maybe have a cat for Loki and a dog for him. Maybe even fostering...  
Thor painfully realized he was falling in the same deceiving pattern. Each time he felt a boy was very close to him, he was dreaming and picturing a future for them both. Only to be cruelly deceived by circumstances or the boy himself each time.  
He didn't want this to happen with Loki. Things were a little too well.   
But how could they come out ? How could they get out of the gilded cage ?   
Thor had absolutely no idea...

Yet, as Thor's parents had advised them, they tried to look not to close to each other in public. They hid their feelings and led separate lives at school. It apparently worked for in such a gossiping place, nothing had transpired.   
Yet.   
Thor felt tired. The end-of-year competitions would be soon to come and Loki had his finishing exams to tend to. Soon, they would be out of school into college. Unfortunately, they had applied in different campuses. They would breathe a lighter air but they would be even more geographically apart. Would Loki and him able to stand a long-distance relationship ? Experience had taught Thor that this kind of thing was highly unlikely...  
It was the end of the day and Thor had the surprise to see Loki near the huge iron gates. His heart just sang. Loki might want for them to go home together in Thor's brand new car his Pop got him for his birthday...   
He madly wanted to grab him and kiss him in front of everyone but it would have been a social suicide...   
Loki, seeing Thor, had a bright look on his face but a tiny smile. It didn't matter. Thor knew Loki was waiting for him. Him of all people. 

And then Loki's happy concealed look turned into an outright expression of shock and horror. He had blanched in seconds. 

Thor thought for a brief horrible moment that Loki was terrified of him. But he quickly realized Loki was looking at someone beside him. He turned over and saw no one in particular except a weird douche with greasy stylish black hair, black mafioso sunglasses, tiny mustache and goatee and wearing Gucci overpriced clothes instead of the school uniform.   
Everything about the douche screamed money and “IwantIwantIwant...”

“Hey, babe !” Said unknown jerk to Loki who turned even whiter. “Miss me ?”

****

Heavens had cracked down and fell upon Loki. Hell has suddenly broke the ground and engulfed him into its furnace.   
How could anything compare to this horror ?   
Loki was standing face-to-face with his former tormentor and Thor was just stuck in the middle. One positive point, when the aftershock came, Loki realized that such a violent reaction of disgust was a pretty good report about Loki's current feelings towards Tony.   
Tony. Tony who hurt and betrayed him in the worst manner possible.   
Tony who was back, the devil knew how. Tony who was smiling and joking as if everything was perfectly normal.   
Tony, two steps away from Thor who wasn't an idiot and had guessed by now who Tony actually was.  
Thor who had moved on Loki's side, face perfectly calm but fists tightly clenched...   
Tony looked at them both. Maybe he was also guessing things on his own.  
“Woa, babe... Who's the beef ?”  
Tony took a suspicious face. As if he was the wronged husband having caught his cheating wife. Loki was indignant. His controlled anger helped him getting his voice back before Thor could do anything bad...  
“Tony, why are you here ?”   
Tony looked genuinely surprised. He seemed to consider that Loki's question had an obvious answer.   
“Why, to see you, hon ! It's been so long. I missed you actually ! Did you ?”  
And he grinned again. Clearly unaware of Loki's state of mind and having already dismissed Thor from his mind as a secondary detail. Thor, who was getting closer to Loki, as if protecting him, was starting to look like a bulldog, ready to bite.   
Loki's own anger was also mounting. The nerves of that man was unbelievable.   
Yet, Loki had more control than Thor. He couldn't afford to make a scene but he didn't want to talk to Tony right now. If at all. Thor was in the way and Loki knew he could overreact when provoked.   
And Tony was the king of gratuitous provocation. 

“Tony, I am really surprised to see you. I was practically sure you wouldn't be around at all...” Loki added with as much venom he could muster. “There is nothing for you here anymore, after all...”  
Tony put out his sunglasses. Loki thought that this was a particularly cliché gesture. Typical of Tony. The worst showoff, ever...  
“Aww, come on, babe... Don't be so mean, I wanted so much to see you again... Look, can we talk without the presence of sweetness, here ?”  
He gestured towards Thor. Loki had to grab Thor's back before he jumped at Tony's throat. Loki could almost see the foam at the corner of his lips.   
“No, Tony. We can't. And his name is Thor...” Loki softly said. Then he added with more determination. “He is my boyfriend.”  
Thor forgot all about Tony to turn to Loki. He was amazed. It was the first time Loki qualified him as 'boyfriend' and the first time he said it almost publicly. At least to someone else. Tony, for him, looked a little taken by surprise. He didn't expect something like that, obviously.   
“Or rather, Tony...” Loki took his coolest tone. “It's not that we can't. It is simply that we DON'T want to. There's people around and I do not wish to make a scene. Plus, Thor and I are late. So, if you'll excuse us...”  
Loki firmly grabbed Thor's arms and turned around without any more fuss. He still heard Tony's shocked voice in his back. “Are you friggin' KIDDIN' me ?!”  
Loki and Thor went away without looking back. Thor was silent but he was boiling internally and Loki could feel it. Because he was exactly the same, for different reasons...

****

Thor and Loki were in the Laufeysons' kitchen. Alone, again. They had arrived early and they were all away to their own business, as usual.   
They had sat without a word. The tension was palpable. Loki had made two cups of coffee neither actually wanted to drink. They were already jumpy as it was. Thor couldn't bear it, he had to talk.   
“That was him ?”  
“Yes.” Loki simply said.   
Thor collected his thoughts. This was delicate and his temper was not going to help. He didn't want to start a fight but his angst was taking the best of him, sometimes.   
“He calls you baby...”   
Thor bit his tongue. That was the last thing to say.   
“Yes, that was why I didn't like you calling him that... Until recently...”  
Loki was doing his best not to sound passive aggressive or defensive... But he was internally shaking. Control was hard to find.   
He didn't want to fight with Thor. He surprised himself by thinking that he didn't want to LOSE Thor. While Tony didn't mean as much.   
Yet, Tony was back and Loki couldn't help but wanting to know why...  
“Look, Thor, I don't care for him. I care for you and his coming here is no good news at all. I don't know what he wants with me...”  
“Let me see him and pull it out of him...” Thor snarled.   
“Thor, please ! Do not joke with things like that !”  
Thor was about to retort and then renounced it. He was scared of many things, including having a fight with Loki that could separate them both and risk their current relationship.   
And if he was estranged from Loki, the latter could go back to sunglasses-and-goatee douche...  
Thor wished he had him under his thumb. He would make him pay for impairing his happiness...  
Loki must have felt his anguish. He grabbed his lover's hand in his.   
“Thor, please. It is over. Whatever he wants with me, I do not care. He is not to be between us. You are the only one for me...” Loki bent his head on Thor's hand, clasped in his. “Please, Thor...”  
Thor, reassured a bit, kissed Loki's head.   
Again, they spent the afternoon in bed. Not yet managing to avoid all their fears...

****

Thor had left for a while when Loki's mother told him someone was waiting for him in the living room. She had a conspirator smile that wasn't very subtle.  
Loki was not even surprise seeing Tony. 

They looked at each other. Tony definitely looked less arrogant. Seeing himself being replaced must have gave him a cruel blow.   
“Well...” Loki conceded. “We are now for talk, aren't we ?”  
“Yup... But if you really want me to, I'll leave, baby... Your call.”  
Loki made a grunt.   
“Do not call me baby ever. It is Thor's right, not yours.” He gestured to the sofa. “Sit and be quick. I do not wish to be overburdened by your presence more than necessary.”  
Tony sighed while sitting down.  
“Look, you're mad at me and you have every right to be. I have been a real bastard...”  
Loki made a raging grimace but kept his voice down.   
“You have been worse than that. I should sue you for what you done to me. Even if I perfectly know I wouldn't stand a chance against you.”   
Tony sighed again. Loki remarked that he looked strained and less youthful.   
“Yeah, yeah. You're right for the first at least. But I have realized how terrible I was... Pepper left me.”  
Loki perked an ear. This was some news. Clever girl ! She realized what she was marrying into just in time.  
“She has surprised me with one of her pals. Some gal I wanted to leave even... And that same gal showed her photos of me with her and a boy toy of hers for revenge...”  
Charming... Loki thought. He was happy to have escaped this cesspit.  
“For god's sake !” Tony grunted. “I thought it was just fun ! As long as she didn't know she wouldn't be hurt. But she said I had better confess everything that I have done or she wouldn't take me back...”  
Oh my, Loki thought. That must have been a scene.   
“So I told her... And she left. It was too much for her... Hell, hearing this from my mouth, I even thought it was too much.”  
“And ?” Loki disdainfully said. “Where do I fit in all this ?”  
Have you told her about what you did to me ? That was what he really wanted to know.  
“Look.” Said an embarrassed Tony. “I want to make a clean slate. Consider me a twelth-stepper. I am in the asking for forgiveness stage. And you are one of the people I wronged most. So...”  
He inspired.   
“Please, I am a piece of shit but I am truly sorry and I would want you to forgive me.”  
Loki looked at him with wonder. It was a little too easy.   
“You will admit that you have raped me, then ?”  
Tony looked astonished. “I haven't... !”  
“You forced me into having sex with you, whether I wanted it or not, whether I was ready or not for this.” Loki calmly said. “It is rape, Tony. And if you have a sparkle of dignity you will admit it to me. Then I will consider ourselves even and will not press charges against you. Even though I should.”  
Tony looked carefully at Loki's face. Then cast his eyes down.   
“I have raped you.” He softly said. “I am truly sorry. I am.”  
Loki heard no sign of sarcasm, no hint of hypocrisy. That was maybe Tony's most honest phrase to him.   
“We are not to be together the way we used to be. Is that clear ?” Loki had said that and felt the familiar burning of unshed tears. “We are done. I am not sure we could remain friends before a little time have passed.”  
Tony sighed. Loki felt a strange dread that Tony had hoped to resume things where they had left them and be with Loki again.   
“I get it. You've got your blond football star. You're in love again and happy. I am just in your way now... Too bad for me.”  
Loki felt he resigning himself a little too fast for his taste. Then he pondered his words. In love ? He thought. Am I really in love ?

They parted in good terms though. They agreed not to see each other for a while, just to let the steam blow and appease Thor's fears.   
And then maybe, they would be friends again. 

Loki was exhausted but relieved. He decided to dwell a little on the net to get some fresh air. He was free from all this sorrow and the feeling made him dizzy. Peace and tranquility at long last. And the continuation of happiness with Thor. 

He opened his mail and consulted messages from his teachers and Thor.   
Then he discovered one recently send anonymously.   
He opened it.   
He almost screamed. He had to cover his mouth with his hand. 

It was a photograph of him and Thor having intercourse in his bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey, everyone ! I couldn't write for a while, I had a little trouble at home. Enjoy !

Loki had been in a blank for several minutes before his heart finally came back to a normal rhythm. It had felt like a crazy machine-gun and a coming asthma crisis was showing its ugly head.   
He had grabbed his medicine and willed himself back to full control. It had felt almost impossible.   
His first reaction had been to think about Thor, to phone him. But he was afraid now of staying in his own room. It was soiled, now. Degraded. He didn't feel safe in it anymore.

The fact that someone, anyone, could have taken a picture of him and Thor while… Who ? WHO ?! Who could do such an utter, disgustingly intrusive thing ? Who could send it like that as if it was so casual ? Who could act this way and hope not to get caught ever ? 

Loki felt lonely and vulnerable. As raped as he used to be when Tony had abused him.   
And Thor was the only redeeming thing in his mind. 

He grabbed his laptop, terrified that anyone could see it. It was absurd as mails could be so easily tracked down. He didn't care, he didn't think. He needed Thor, that was the only thing for sure.   
He had driven like a madman though he was in a residential area. He almost hit Mrs. Bachman's crazy dog. The woman was a hag but her dog was fun. This rang an alarm bell in Loki's head that he was going insane and dangerous. He had to get things back under control or do something he would always regret...  
Arrived at Thor's door, he scared Mrs. Odinson who thought he was having a panic attack right on her doorstep (which he was actually). She screamed her son's name and Thor came in seconds, grabbed Loki and made him sit on the sofa. Looking in Loki's eyes, he knew they needed to be alone. He calmly asked to his mom to leave, that he would deal with Loki himself. Mother and son communicated on an almost telepathic level. She knew it was bad but that Thor would make it alright.   
And if he couldn't, he would be sensible enough to call her for help.   
Yet, the sight of Loki, looking tinier and fragile as ever in her son's big arms was not very reassuring. 

****

It appeared Thor had received exactly the same photo. He had tried to trace back the mail only to be lost in a dead alley of false accounts and phony computers. Thor wanted to crash the bloody device. To hunt and kill the perverse peeping tom that turned his brave and dignified Loki into a terrified pile of hysterical jell-o. 

His love. His bleeding, terrified heart who'd been through so much already and was now back into hell head first. 

“Thor, I am so sorry, so sorry...” Loki babbled pacing Thor's bedroom up and down. “So sorry to drag you into all this, you don't deserve this. But who ? Who the hell did this ?! I was sure everything was locked up and now... How could anyone …? Oh god ! Oh God ! It's my goddamn fault !”  
Thor had to grab him and pull him to his chest as he used to each time Loki was nervous or worried or in need of a hug. Loki was badly breathing and if Thor was not taking back control of the situation it would be back to the hospital for Loki. But even in this firm and protective embrace, Loki was still raving and ranting like a madman and shaking like a leave.  
“I can't” He whined. “I can't do this anymore ! I just can't ! You should run away, Thor, you should leave me. I won't mind ! I'll deal with it but, please, I'm a wreck and don't get involved more than you already are, I'll destroy you ! I'll drag you down ! That's not what I want, but it is going to happen ! I will and I ...”  
“LOKI, I LOVE YOU AND SHUT UP JUST FOR ONE SECOND !”

That did shut Loki up. He remained there, mouth opened and eyes huge, almost panting and wheezing. Thor was really sorry for raising his voice in such a time but he had no time to loose and major damage control to do.   
He grabbed the pale face in his both hands and looked straight in the big green lights. He wanted his point to be crystal clear.   
“I love you, you hear me ? I'm not expecting you to love me back and I'm okay with it. And it's okay if you don't or won't. But I still love you and I am certainly not going to run away like a coward.”  
He was real close to Loki's face almost to the point of kissing him but he wouldn't do it before Loki understood how serious he was.   
“We're in it together, we'll face it together. Do you know why it was sent ? The real reason besides freaking us out like crazy ? “  
Loki shook his head to a negative response.   
“They want to make us part. I've already seen that happened to a girlfriend of mine and her own girl lover. They spy on us, find us disgusting and try to terrorize us 'for our own good'” Thor made the quotation marks with his hands. “So that we fit back 'into the right tracks'” He mimicked the marks again and then grabbed Loki's neck in a more gentle gesture. “I love you. I am staying with you. I will fuck your brains out right here and now if necessary and then fuck you again until the whole neighborhood hear us and see us rutting like animals and you coming like a space rocket.”  
Loki went red. The idea of public sex and “coming like a space rocket” was a brutal erotic change from his total despair. It both aroused and scandalized him.   
“So.” Thor continued in a calmer tone. “I am not going to leave you. Not now. Whoever send that crap would be so happy if I did. It would show them they were right about us. We stick together, baby. Now, more than ever.”

They let a minute of silence pass by. Loki felt as if he could breathe again. He could breathe forever with Thor's warm hands on his neck. He closed his eyes and Thor took advantage to give him a very sharp and demanding kiss.   
Loki could finally sigh out of relief and safety in Thor's arms.   
“Feeling better, baby ?” asked Thor, while still holding Loki on his chest and gently rocking him.   
“Mmh-mmh.” Loki nodded.   
Loki felt again Thor's heart on his. Its soft and deep rhythm, once again, soothing Loki's own. He felt heavy and drained out on Thor's shoulder, his head resting on his boyfriend, his anchor, his lover... They remained silent and content in each other's embrace.   
Thor thought Loki might have dozed off when he heard words spoken so low they were almost inaudible.   
“I love you, too...” Loki murmured. “I do...”

Minutes later, Mrs. Odinson spotted her son carrying his boyfriend up the stairs like a groom, his bride.   
Seconds only after they locked themselves in the room, (she was displeased hearing the click of the lock) she heard a characteristic sound. The regular bumping of a headboard, indicating to all asunder that her eldest son was indulging himself into bedroom “activities” with his boyfriend. In her house, right in the middle of the day, while she was still present and just before her other children came back from school. She didn't know which one of these big no-nos infuriated her the most.   
Yet, hearing a faint aerial moan that didn't come from her son's mouth and knowing what was going on for them both, she chose to say nothing. 

Because, right here and now, that probably what they needed. 

****

They had remained naked in bed until they heard Thor's younger brothers joyous chatting down the hall. Usually, hearing his brothers coming home from school was a happy sound to Thor. Now it was just remembering him that there was a real world outside his bedroom and that it was beckoning. A frigging bore.   
Loki had to wake up and they had to get dressed. They couldn't allow any of Thor's under aged siblings to see his naked boyfriend. The Odinson's house was a rather open-minded one but there was definitely limits where minors were concerned.   
Plus, Thor and Loki had to have a conversation with Thor's parents. And it wasn't going to be agreeable...

A few minutes later, after greetings the kids, helping them to cookies and milk with Thor's Mom, Mr. Odinson was back from the office. He was a little surprise to see Loki so late in the evening. He had just left Loki's Dad and told Loki so, smiling. He realized that his wife, son and son's boyfriend looked paled and worried and that Loki didn't want to talk about his dad at all...  
The four of them waited until each boy settled in their respective rooms (Thor had his own but his siblings were divided into two bedrooms), doing their homework or playing games, and had the conversation.   
Thor was red and Loki even redder when they had to show the picture to Otto...  
They felt raped.   
Otto considered it without a word and muttered a curse under his breath.   
“This is bad, boys.” He finally said. “Judging from the angle the picture was taken, that person was very close to Loki's window. Enough to have a very clear view. It could even be a drone...”  
“Maybe.” Loki added. “But the tree under my window is rather large and easy to climb. I've thought about it. He could have hid in the higher branches without the neighbors or us seeing or hearing anything. A drone would have been spotted...”  
“Either way.” Said Mrs. Odinson. “This is a highly dangerous person and we should call the police !”  
Loki blanched.   
“No ! Please ! We can't”  
“Loki...” Mr. Odinson started.   
“NO !” Loki brutally cut, desperate. “You don't know how these people are ! If they knew... You don't know my family !”  
Mr. and Mrs. Odinson gave Loki a look that clearly meant they had a perfect picture of who his parents were.   
“Loki...” Pursued Mrs. Odinson. “Believe me, we don't want our son's privacy and yours exposed like this but... This is a crime ! You are both in danger ! What if...”  
“NO ! NO ! NO !!!” Loki screamed and held his head with both hands.   
The police. The officers smirking and making disgusting comments on Loki and Thor together. Laughing at him and Thor and their parents. Spitting at everything that was good and pure in his life, everything that was Thor and him...  
“Please...” He softly begged. His breath was becoming ragged again. He couldn't bear it anymore...  
Thor, tears in his eyes, came to him and held him.   
“Please, Mom...” Thor said. “We need to think. We cannot go to the police like that... At least, not before Loki and I had talked to Loki's parents.”  
Loki raised his head and looked at Thor with monstrous eyes.   
“You cannot...” He breathed.   
Thor held his head in his own hands, the same way he did earlier in the afternoon.   
“Baby, we need to file a claim ASAP. But we need to tell your parents first. I don't want them to know about us like this, right in front of the cops and seeing the picture unprepared. We need to get out of the closet, baby, we cannot hide anymore, even if we wanted to...”  
Loki was literally falling apart.   
“They'll throw me out.” He murmured. “They couldn't stand the shame of having a gay son... They'll ruin your parents for good measure.”  
“Not that I wouldn't be glad to be back in Houston...” Shrugged Otto. Freya nodded. This little incident had cut their enthusiasm for the place.   
“Baby...” Thor started.   
“They'll cast me out... And college hasn't even started yet ...” Loki was ashamed to sound so whiny. But it was the entire truth. Larry and Nathalie would throw him out of the house the minute he would have pronounced the G-word and he would be left to care for himself all alone.  
“Look, dearie,” Freya interrupted. “If this came to happen, you would be welcome into this family. It is not the first time we would have helped someone in this situation.”  
Indeed, when one of Thor's classmates turned out to be gay and had tried to tell his parents only to be thrown out of his own house, Freya and Otto had taken him in for a while. The boy's grandfather had then intervened, publicly disowned the shameful parents and taken the boy in New York to live with him.   
Loki was surprised but it wasn't really reassuring.   
“Baby, look, let's wait a bit, okay ? Until we graduate and go to college. There is only a month left. Until then, we'll find a way and be careful. You good ?”  
Loki agreed. He knew they were buying time but it was better than to go right here and now publicly and ruin everything. He nodded. This was only running away.   
But the alternative sounded even worse than a stalker harassing them.   
Otto and Freya remained silent but shared a grim look that clearly expressed what they felt. 

*****

Loki had spent hours examining the picture. It had been taken one of these afternoons when the house was empty. It was very bright, meaning that the weather had been very good this day. Yet it didn't help about the moment it was taken for the sun had been up and shiny for a long while. As they were naked, Loki had no indication about what they were wearing that day that could have helped. A rather fresh bruise the shape of a pear on Thor's thigh, the result of an accidental blow during training, indicated yet that the photo was fairly recent, maybe a week old. The bruise had just started fading.   
But apart from that, there was no clue whatsoever...  
A drone, Freya Odinson had suggested. It sounded too much like a spy novel to Loki. He was quite sure, judging from the picture, that the perpetrator had taken it from the big branch, close to his window. Loki had climbed that tree so many times, when he was younger, he knew all the good places to hide there and see everything. He used that same branch to spy on his brothers when his room used to be theirs before his parents built an extension to the house.   
Loki had not so many suspects. He was quite sure him and Thor had been extra careful. Thor might have enemies. He was popular, he was very much liked, he was kind, fun and talented. He could have attracted jealousy. Loki laid his money on someone on the football team. Except that none would have been bright enough to come to all this trouble... The harassing part, however... But how could have they planned the computer blurring ? Loki snorted. He wasn't sure they even knew how to type correctly...   
Concerning Loki ? Could it be that he had “enemies” ?   
In the tiny, puny world of the rich neighborhood kids, compared to his brothers, or even to Tony or Thor, Loki didn't weigh much. He was the “weird one,” “the nerd”, the haughty little genius no one appreciated nor liked. As Loki had had a Gothic period, he had been rumored to be a satanist during middle school. It hadn't helped making him a better reputation.  
Yes, despised, he was. Feared ? Maybe. Detested enough to be bullied ? Probably. But to elaborate such a complicated plan ? Loki's worst opponents used to prefer the “direct approach,” punching him in a discreet location. Or, defeat him publicly in some scholar competition for the ones who actually had a brain. Which was the only tactic Loki had some respect for. But stalking ? None of the more intelligent ones had a taste for this undignified kind of things. Loki had to grant them that. They had the means and the nous but not the evil. The others might have said evil and the means but certainly not the nous...  
So none was fitting the profile. It had to be someone with tools and sufficient gray cells, time on his hands and money. Loki had a tendency to agree with Thor. It wasn't someone who had a grudge either with Thor or Loki. Whoever he (or she, it definitely could be a she...) was, he (or she) hated them both and wanted them apart, or ruined or whatever...

Actually there was someone who perfectly fitted the profile.   
Yet, in remembrance of whatever they had together, Loki couldn't bear it the idea that he could be him. He hoped against all hopes that this person wasn't that vile, that hateful to do something so disgusting...

Loki thought for a while, then took a deep breath and dialed Tony's number. 

*****

They were in Loki's room, standing against each other. There had been much yelling but they had finally calmed down. Tony was massaging his temples. He looked seriously distressed and outraged at the accusation but Loki wasn't sure of anything anymore.   
“For the last time, Loki, IT. WASN'T. ME ! You really think I could be such a goddamn coward ?!”  
Loki gave him a significant look.   
“Okay, okay...” Conceded Tony. “I am a coward for many reasons, I admit it. But not for this Loki, I swear !”  
Loki glared at him.  
“I swear ! Yes, I regret what I did to you, what I did to my girl... I lost you both and I have to live with that. But this ?! What would be the purpose of this ?!”   
Loki shrugged.   
“I don't know, take a pick ! Revenge against me, against Thor, against us both ? Trying to get Thor to dump me and then playing the white knight in his shiny armor to win me back...”  
Tony made a weird expression Loki immediately recognized.   
“You thought about it...”  
“Yes.” Tony quickly said. “Yes, I admit I thought about ways to send Johnny Football Hero away so I could have a chance to have you back. But not this, Loki, I swear ! And anyway, I abandoned any plans quite fast... I mean... You and him ? Joined at the hip practically. There is not one shred of a chance for me concerning you.”   
He opened his hands as a gesture of good faith.   
“It's true, Loki. I am not doing an 'I-am-a-different-person' crap on you. I am being sincere for once. I might be capable of many nasty things but this ?” He pointed towards the infamous photo. “This is pure shit. I don't want to be part of anything like this. I have my pride ! At least, give me that.”  
Loki pondered this for a bit and then nodded. Something in Tony's tone was unusual. Something that sounded like the truth. He chose then to believe Tony.   
“Look.” Tony said again rising up. “As a proof of my good faith, let me do this for you. I will chase down that mail and found where it had been sent and even written. You know I have the capacities for it...”  
That was right, Tony's father had made a fortune working with the army and other high-level services.  
“Okay...” Loki softly said. “Anything you can learn.”  
Tony sighed and looked at Loki straight in the eyes. It had a feeling of definite goodbyes.   
“You know, I really tried...”  
“Tony, please...”  
“No seriously... If Johnny and you, you don't... well...”  
“Get out, Tony !”   
Loki ushered him out without real anger and they parted on good terms. 

*****  
One week passed. Only three left before graduation and the final announcement. Loki was rehearsing it, trying to find the right approach to say to your mom and dad that you like to screw boys.   
It would be a hell raiser...  
Loki was dallying, trying to avoid the truth. Praying that the creep had forgotten about them both. Hoping against all hope that it would come to an end in itself.   
As if.   
Yet nothing had happened and still no news from Tony. It was straining. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop.   
The worst being that, despite all their determination not to change anything in their lives, Loki and Thor were less carefree and seeing each other less often, less privately. Maybe, the fact of the big season match didn't help. Thor was totally immersed in it. He had given a sad little smile of apology to Loki across the field during training. Loki had smiled back. He missed Thor badly but he understood.   
He felt lonely now, though. And fed up, big time.   
Every time something good happened to him, lo and behold, it was ruined by fate or humankind. He was sick and tired of it. He felt like a terrified rabbit waiting for the hunter to show up and shoot and probably, that was what the stalker hoped him to be.   
He wanted to stop waiting like a martyr for the next blow. He wanted to take action and strike back. His only hope was Tony. Only he could give him a clue.   
In the meanwhile he was sad and lonely. 

One night, he was browsing for a research paper, his heart heavy when he heard a rattling on the window. He almost had a heart attack, thinking that the stalker had finally climbed the tree to invade his bedroom.   
It was Thor, standing on the big branch like Robin Hood on Maid Marian's balcony, grinning like a fool his usual dashing smile.   
Loki opened his window, both wanting to kiss or smash the fool.   
“What are you doing here ? You'll be spotted for a thief !”  
“Am I not a thief ? I have come to steal a kiss !”  
“Stop joking, you idiot !” Loki was angry saying that but his heart was fluttering just the same.   
Nonetheless, he kissed his lover while trying not to make him lose his balance.   
“Three weeks left, my love, and we're out of all of this...” Thor murmured.   
“Three weeks left...” Nodded Loki. “I love you.”   
And then Thor disappeared in a rustling of leaves. As discreet as an evening breeze. Loki felt better than he had in ages. 

Despite the vague feeling of being observed... Except that there was no one around.

*****

The following morning was a sunday and nothing new occurred. Loki was wondering how he was going to spend the day and whether Thor could be free from training.   
He was idly looking at the view from his mother's living room when his phone rang. He had hoped for Thor but it was Tony. Loki grimaced, he was not ready for that yet. He answered. He had to.  
“Tony ?”  
“Listen, Loki.” Tony's muffled voice came. “I managed to track it down. It wasn't easy at all, the bastard's a tricky one but I used unusual means so ...”  
Loki rolled his eyes. Trust Tony Stark to show off and not to care about wasted time.   
“Anyways, long story short, I found something... And it's not good...”  
Loki was about to ask question when an angry voice shouted from up the stairs.   
“Loki ! Come here right now !”   
His father. He was in his office and his yelling unabled Loki to understand what was being said.   
“Tony, I gotta go ! Talk to you later !” Loki was furious to reject Tony like that but he couldn't hear and deal with his father in the same time. While he was jumping up the stairs, he still heard Tony's voice.   
“Loki ! Wait ! The mail ! It's from your home ! It came from your place !”  
Loki had no time to ask Tony what he was talking about.   
He was standing in his father's office, Larry Laufeyson was holding his laptop, his face violet with rage, his eyes bulging, almost ready to crack and break down. Loki turned instantly into stone, seeing the screen.   
“What the fuck is this fucking shit !?” Screamed his father at the top of his lungs. 

On the screen was the photograph of him and Thor and Loki couldn't help in this utter disaster to think that Thor was indeed handsome. Everything was lost anyway, so why not indulge in Thor's image one last time ?  
Above the picture was the flashing, blood-red caption...

FAGGOTS. FAGGOTS. FAGGOTS.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks ! Sorry for the delay and thank all of you for your kind comments ! Be well !

It was a strange feeling.   
As if being caught in the eye of the storm, seeing the lightning and the clouds and the smoke moving slowly in a calm twirl and be at the center of it, safe and in danger at the same time, being both part of it and watching it from afar. In any case, unable to escape...   
It was horror in a sense that his worst fears had become a reality. It was despair as he knew this was the end of his former life (for it was impossible to remain as it used to be from now on). But it was also relief. Utter relief for his daily anguish had come to an end.   
There was nothing to fear any more, the worst had already occurred.   
Loki was almost glad for it. 

****

His father was purple now and had a drop of saliva at the corner of his mouth. He was screaming like a banshee and Loki wondered how could he know so much offensive terms to describe an homosexual individual ? That was a little strange for a man self-asserting so proudly as straight...  
Loki was amazed for he was the target of this verbal abuse (and seeing the way his father was clenching his fists, it could turn physical...), an abuse worst than anything he had previously endured, and curiously he was perfectly at ease, perfectly serene. As if it was happening to someone else.   
Indeed, there was not much he could do but wait for the storm to pass. 

Next to his father, his mother was sobbing in a handkerchief, whining continuously and actually praying the Virgin to “save that lost boy's soul.” That was unusual for his mother to go all religious in seconds. The shock probably made her see Jesus after all... Loki didn't care either. He had no need to be saved except from this pair of wackos...  
Loki woke up from his state of shock when his father stopped his raging babbling to sound concerned and even hopeful.   
“Only... Only if this blonde fag... It's that bitch right ? That motherfucker... That's it ! That faggot dragged you into this ! It has to be ! No son of mine could be a queer on his own ! It's Odinson's bastard whore of a son ! He fucking seduced you ! He took advantage of my innocent boy...”  
Loki remained mute for a tiny second, he couldn't believe what he was hearing right now. Was his father deliberately accusing Thor of having debauched his son ? Loki could have laughed at the irony. Actually, Thor wasn't the guilty party... But Loki couldn't tell his father that it was his best bro's kid, actually, Howard Stark the Magnificent's only son, Tony, who was responsible for such a thing. The much admired and not-so-admirable Tony Stark himself ! Loki had a mind to tell him so his dear father could open his eyes to reality and realize that the Stark he praised so much were not so pure either... But Loki still cared a bit for Tony. He wasn't the one who send these photos and he had tried to help Loki, actually...

But for his Thor to be so unjustly accused, Loki could not accept. Not now, not ever...  
“No, Father.”  
Loki cut short his father's erratic ramblings.  
“Wha' ?” The slurring indicated that his father was drunk, again, and maybe not in condition to understand anything that was being said.   
“I said, no, Father.” Loki calmly repeated. “Thor has nothing to do with my sexuality. I love him. He loves me. That's all there is.”  
Larry Laufeyson blinked furiously. His reddish eyes trying to focus on his rebellious offspring.   
“The hell you're talkin' about ?” He screeched.   
Loki took a deep breath.   
“Dad, I am gay. Totally, completely gay. That is the way I am. I like men. Always did, always will be. There is nothing to do about it, I have been this way since the beginning. You and Mom will have to deal with it. ”

Loki saw that his father was back to an ugly purple and his mother wailed in her handkerchief, her eyes comically wide with theatrical horror, helplessly staring at the spawn of Satan she has bore into this world.   
“No one is responsible for this. Not you, not Mom, not any of our relations.” Loki continued. “But most of all, Thor has nothing to do with that. I cannot allow you to even think about it. I love him. That is all.”  
His father squinted at him nastily. His lips were now quivering.   
“ 'That is all' “ He mimicked in the same falsetto voice he used to mock his youngest son. “ 'That is all, faaatheerr, that is aaalll. I luuuv him. Zat iz aaaaalll...' “   
Loki felt a cold shiver down his spine. His father was coming closer, his taunting words gliding on his skin like a repulsive snake. He could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath.  
And then he received a blow that made him hit the ground. 

The violence of it made him half conscious. The shock was so brutal it made him totally numb. He could hear his father yelling at the top of his voice but what he said was unintelligible. Loki's head was swimming. None of it felt real. Loki couldn't say whether it was actually happening or only a nightmare. His ears were ringing.   
His father might have done many things and been seriously mad many times...   
But he had never hit any of his sons. Never. Until now. 

Loki was vaguely conscious of a terrible fight between his mother going insane at his crazy-drunk father. He couldn't care less. Let them get at each other's throat. His father had hit him. His father, his own father had punched him in the face for a photo that was taken without him or Thor knowing it or consenting to it, for both being gay and in love... How could he go on with these people ?  
Then he heard other noises, doors slamming and a voice he couldn't believe he was hearing. The voices became clearer  
“Loki ! What happened ?”  
He felt strong familiar arms picking him up. He stared into scared blue eyes. And all the horror and despair were gone into thin air the minute he knew Thor was really here and holding him as he always did.  
“The fuck are you doing in my house, you piece of shit ?!”  
“What have you done to him ?!” Thor was holding Loki close. Seeing his bloodied fingers, Loki understood he was nose-bleeding.   
“Mind your own business, faggot !”  
“Don't talk to my son like that !”  
Loki raised his head. Otto Odinson was also there. Behind him a confused Bill who was probably the one who let them in.   
“The fuck you are doing there ? Who fucking called you ?”  
“I guess you received the mail too, Laufeyson, and your sole reaction is to hit your own child ! I would have never guess you could stoop that low.”   
“Shut the fuck up ! And get the fuck out with your fucking kid !”  
Otto Odinson clapped his hand slowly and sarcastically, his face a mask of total contempt.  
“Brilliant.” He sneered. “Marvelous. You are a drunk and a brute. You are a non-existent husband and a monster of a father. I can't believe you're one of our VP. Now, you exquisite creature of impeccable taste, would you mind step aside and not come closer to these boys ? Actually, I think YOUR son needs help.”   
“Fuck you...” Larry started, his fists were clenching again, a mark that he was ready for another fight. Yet his speech was so alcohol-induced it sounded like “Ruuck' yew.”  
Loki saw that his father wanted to make a serious mess. Otto was not as strong as Larry was, but he was fit and sober. Which Larry wasn't.   
Loki wanted to rise and make them stop. Not for Larry, he deserved a lesson, but for Otto and mostly for Thor. Yet when he tried to stand, he was unsteady and Thor had to hold him up.   
“Please, Mr. Odinson...” Even his voice was weak. “It's not worth it. HE's not worth it...”  
That wasn't exactly what he meant. Deep inside, he still felt a kind of love for his dad, but right here and now, he didn't like either of his parents and wanted as far away from them as possible.   
Otto Odinson looked at the poor stunned kid. Never in his right mind would he ever imagine a father beating his own friggin' kid till his nose bled, only because said kid loved “the wrong way.”. For some reason, he felt responsible for this, for not taking charge sooner...   
He should have protected his son and his boyfriend more. It felt like a failure.   
That is why he made the decision. A decision without his wife (she would be after his blood for that) and a very heavy one.   
“Pack your stuff, Loki, you're coming with us.”

Thor looked at his father. Unsure of what he heard, HOPING he had heard right.   
“Move on, boys, we ain't got all day.” His Pop grumbled.   
Thor helped Loki to his bedroom. He felt lighter than he had in days.   
“The hell ya think you're doin'!” Loki's dad screamed at their backs.   
“Loki is coming with us.” Was the phrase Thor heard from his dad before closing the bedroom door. Loki didn't need to hear the rest of the ruckus and Thor knew his dad would deal with everything. Though he might not deal with Thor's Mom...  
Loki was sitting on his bed, numb like and thinking all of this was a dream.   
“Surely, your father can't be serious...” He murmured to his lover in disbelief.   
Thor had find a suitcase and was starting to pack clothes.   
“Yes he is deadly serious, babe. You're staying with me, the sooner the better. You have to tell me what you need right now, we'll take the rest later.”  
Loki painfully stood up and stopped his boyfriend's arm.   
“Thor, please... We can't. My parents will make a living hell of your parents' life... I cannot bear to...”  
Thor took his beloved's face in his hands.   
“Babe. You. Me. My house. You'll be safe and cared for. Who cares if you finish the year before college with us instead of your place ? Who cares if you spend this last summer before going for good with me ? Sweetheart you are free, for fuck' sakes ! Believe me, your folks will be happier and deal faster with the situation if you're not here...”  
That was harsh, crazy, but Loki could see the logic in it, even if it was an insane logic...  
And Thor was right. If his parents agreed, he would be safe, sound, cared for and FREE. Free from the angst of being discovered, free from the fear of being abandoned, free from the fear of disappointing his parents... Of course this last one was already made.   
Once the school year was over and the summer spent, he would go to college and start a new life without necessarily involving his parents. He already had a trust fund his wealthy grandfather had provided for. He would have the huge luck to work hard in his studies without being bothered with the money... There were many who weren't as lucky. And Thor alongside him was the cherry on top.  
He only hoped no one and nothing would interfere with the plan...

****

Loki grabbed most of his most valuables, his laptop, his school things, some childhood items he treasured and didn't want to leave just in case, books that were important, former dairies and scrapbooks, a photo album... He hoped the rest would be still here when he'd come back to fetch it. He hoped his parents would not be mad enough to burn it all... They were enraged but not up to this point. He hoped...  
As Thor was closing two suitcases and a sport bag, Loki realized how little he owned and valued. The bedroom seemed almost bare now, even with the remaining things.   
Feeling very tired, all of a sudden, he sat on his bed, letting Thor finish the packing. 

Downstairs, the screams had receded. Thor told him it meant Otto had won over his parents. Loki indeed perceived a defeated rumble coming from his own father. Larry was not putting a fight anymore. Loki felt like a knot was slowly untying in his chest. It felt heavenly.  
All of a sudden, Billy's uncombed hair and sleepy face, still wearing his underwear (at almost midday !) came to the door, yawning and completely lost.   
“ Yo, bitches. What's all the screaming down here ?” He muttered, half asleep.   
“Nothing bad...” Loki smiled. “Someone send a dirty pic of me and Thor to Dad and, consequently, Thor and me were forced to do our coming out. We've been in a relationship for two months. Oh, and the parents are throwing me out. I am going to live with Thor for now.”  
“Oh, cool.” Billy simply stated. He had not fully grasped the meaning of everything Loki had said. “Hope there's still pancakes...”  
Billy scratched his left buttock and left, still yawning. Unaware of anything...

Seeing his clumsy older brother going to the kitchen, Loki remembered what Tony had said. He had had no time to think about it. The mails were actually coming from his own house, apparently. But who could have send it ? Not the parents, it would be totally absurd. Not Billy, for obvious reasons. Unless he was a master in the art of acting, he didn't have the brains for it. Obviously... Even if he had the motives. Now that their love story was in the open, Thor was also ruined in the football team. Loki knew Thor wasn't placing all his assets in it and yet his heart grew heavy. He was dragging his beloved in his own downfall. It simply killed him.   
But if it wasn't Billy or his father nor his mother (even her was not that creepy...)...  
It could only be …

Loki walked through the corridor to his brothers' rooms. Harry's bedroom was open. Of course, he had heard everything, waiting for the results of his little schemes and probably waiting for Loki to realize he had done it. He was sitting at his desk. Prim and proper. Looking at his younger brother as if everything was perfectly normal. Yet, seeing how Harry's hand was tense, Loki knew that deep inside he was angry. Why ? He had made it, they were finished. What could displease him ? Loki observed him without a word for a while. He couldn't understand. His silent, moody, reserved and determined brother... Always mind the quiet ones, they say...  
“It was you.” Loki calmly stated.   
“Yes.” That was Harry, a man of few words.   
“You must be glad. You won. I am leaving and Thor will be probably outed from varsity. I hope it was worth it...”  
Actually, Loki was perplexed for Harry didn't look gloating or glad at all. He looked pissed actually. His face was starting to get red. It made him look like their father. Loki sensed that he was missing something. Something capital...  
“Why ?” He was asking this without anger nor resentment. He was past all of this but he had no clear idea of Harry's motives. “Why all of this, Harry ? What for ?”  
Harry bared his teeth. Literally bared his teeth like a cat or more like a tiger. The skin up his lips was wrinkling like a lion about to roar.   
“Why YOU ?” He whispered, his rage controlled and hissed.   
And then Loki knew why. 

All this time, he thought he was the one ignored while he had totally obliterated his brother. Of course, Billy was the noisier, the more flamboyant, the one his parents favored in the end, even if they treated Harry the same way (and indeed had a tendency to forget about Loki). So, sometimes, Harry was also living in Billy's shadow. The second coming. Exactly like Billy but in a smarter way. Loki had thought them two of the kind. 

That was why he had totally missed the fact that Harry was also in love with Thor. 

Meaning that his brother was probably also gay, or bi. He had not seen it. None of it. His brother was devoured by jealousy. Not because of Thor's success but because of his love for Loki. It was right under Loki's nose and he had had absolutely no clue...  
It must have killed Harry, seeing the affair between the Mighty Thor and his insignificant sibling growing stronger by the day. He must have sensed something had happened at the log cabin. Harry must have been ready to burst, being forced to silence while his dream man was snatched away and to pretend to be all about his girlfriend when he didn't even remember her name...  
He must have seen them both the first day they had sex (the idea made Loki want to vomit), he must have stalked them ever since. He must have taken the picture from the tree and other places, wanting them ruined if not being able to kill them both, kill their reputation and everything they wanted to hide from. Expose them, destroy them... 

No, not to destroy them, Loki realized, to make them PART. He wanted one of them, or both to be scared and cease the relationship. He wanted them to separate.   
It had had exactly the opposite result. Thor and Loki were now closer than ever. That was why he had sent the photo. In a last desperate gesture. A vain one. Harry had failed, again and definitely. In every way.   
The worst being that his actions only made them stronger. Now, for better, for worse, sickness and health, richer or poorer, Loki and Thor were stuck together. They had to make it work or else...  
And Harry had no other option but to remain the same now, closeted and lying, forced to move on, to follow the path he had chosen. Losing the only one he really cared about, Thor...   
Unless he decided to declare who he really was. Which was unlikely right now.  
Loki was overwhelmed with a sense of horrible pity.

“Harry... I...” He didn't know what to say. Right now, he was dreadfully sorry for his brother, still stuck with his lies, his false life and his unrequited love. And knowing that, had he been less blinded by his personal problems, he realized that, maybe, they would have fought it together, find a way to get out of this mess, as brothers in blood and affection... But, right now, it was too late. Maybe later, but not right now.  
“Get out...” Harry growled. “Just get the hell out...”  
Loki obeyed. There was nothing else he could do.

****

That was the way Loki left his home. Or what had passed for a home. No good byes, no more tears left. Just a door closed and a silent ride to Thor's own house. His parents had not even seen him off. Understandable in a way if unjustified.  
They had made their own bed, all of them, now they all had to lie in. Including Billy who still didn't have a clue even when their father shouted at him the whole story. The last image Loki had of Billy, the only one not to be agressive, was of him, still in his underwear, a glass of milk in his hand and scratching his head, looking puzzled while their father was still yelling in the kitchen about “fags” and “queers.”  
Which was why Loki was leaving without a glance backwards. His head heavy and still throbbing from the punch on Thor's strong shoulder. He even managed to doze off for a few minutes. 

They arrived in the Odinson' house. Mrs. Odinson was out with the boys so it left them time to settle down. While Otto was waiting for his wife downstairs (hoping against all hopes she wouldn't kill him right away in front of the kids), Thor was unpacking Loki's things in his bedroom. It was large enough for two but still... Loki felt like an intruder. He was on the bed again. Unable to move or make a decision. In fact, Thor was already making them for him.  
“Right.” Thor said to himself. “There will be enough room for your clothes in the dressing. The only problem is the desk. Not big enough... We'll have to organize...”  
He was already planning, deciding things on his own, setting their life together. A way to behave, Loki noticed, he had inherited from his mother.   
“Thor, please...” Loki murmured. “You don't have to put yourself into trouble, the sofa will...”  
Thor turned to face him.   
“Yeah, right !” He laughed. “And my mother will spread our guts to fertilize the back yard ! Plus, I want you in my bed, day and night. Period. If you start whining, I'll start spanking.”  
Loki wanted to laugh too but it was no time to be funny.  
“Thor, this is huge here. You'll have me on your back 24/7 and on the outside... My Dad is going to shred us into pieces... Your team... The school...”  
Thor slowly crawled on the bed, between Loki's legs, and up until Loki rested his back on the bed. Thor was now on top of him, his blonde streaks caressing Loki's face.   
“Speaking of being on your back...” Thor murmured.   
He was lustful and carefree. It was exactly as if their world was still in place, as if nothing had been blown to smithereens... He was extraordinary in his own way. Nothing seemed to disturb him, not even the end of their former lives.  
“What, now ?” Loki breathed.   
“Hell, yeah...” Thor murmured, leaning down to Loki's groin. “Time to celebrate.”

Thor was holding him in his lap, thrusting faster and faster.  
After the punch his father gave him, the blood rushing to his face was doing Loki no good. He was bouncing up and down to Thor's rhythm and he was heavily breathing, trying to stifle his moans. It was insane. They were making love in full daylight, in Thor's bedroom and Thor's Mom was about to come back any minute.   
“Thor... Stop... It's... Bad... Ooh...”  
Thor's only response was a nasty thrust that exactly hit Loki's sweet spot. Loki yelped.  
“NO ! No more... Please... Your Mom... AH !”  
Thor growled and bit his throat, something he knew would put Loki on edge. Loki was tortured, too good and so wrong. He fought against it for a while but had to give up when Thor put him back on the covers to increase his thrusts.   
He came with his mouth on Thor's shoulder and his heart beating wildly in his ears. He was still clutching Thor, waiting for his breath to calm down, caressing Thor's back as if placating a mighty beast.   
They jumped as they heard loud voices downstairs and a furious Freya climbing the stairs. Thor winced when his Mom knocked at the door in three aggressive blows.   
“BOYS ! Since we are to co-habit for a while, here's rule number one ! NO inappropriate behavior when the children are up and running around. NO significant noise that could betray anything ! I MEAN IT ! Now, I need a serious talk with your father !”   
And there she went. Loki wanted to get up and apologize and remembered that he was stark naked.   
Him and Thor simply laughed it out on the bed. 

****

After a brief adjustment period, the Odinson' household counted a new member quite easily. Loki and Thor were leading an almost conjugal life under the same roof with the blessing of Thor's Family. Loki was part of something now. He couldn't believe it.   
He had had no communication more than necessary with his parents. His last school year came to end rather quickly while sharing the Odinson' joyous life. As foreseen, Loki entered the university of his dreams, as foreseen his grandfather helped him settle there.   
Actually, Ian Laufeyson, Loki's grandfather, wrote a rather incendiary letter, threatening his son Larry to sort things out or be disinherited. Ian Laufeyson was a cold man and greatly responsible for Larry's erratic behavior. But he was a doting grandfather to Loki and so managed to keep what was left of the Laufeyson together. 

Paradoxically, and as Loki feared, the ones who took the blow very hard were the Odinson. Thor was expelled under false pretenses. In fact, under Larry Laufeyson' pressure. Loki had time to ask for his grandfather to interfere. Yet the Odinson were so outraged they put Thor in a different private school to finish the year after making a huge scandal of what was happening in this brilliant milieu...  
At night, Loki cried in Thor's arms, begging for forgiveness, for causing all this disaster. It took all of Thor's tenderness to calm him down. It was true, Thor didn't care much about football anymore (now that he had seen the true face of the ones that managed it) and wanted to study business as soon as possible to join his mother in her own company. Loki still felt tremendously guilty but when he proposed to share his fund with Thor to Otto and Freya, he was answered with a firm no. He was considered as a son now, and family stood together. Loki was not reassured but he had to deal with it. 

So when Loki and Thor had to temporally separate to go to their different colleges, the Odinson chose to move back to Texas. Nothing was keeping them here. 

Loki had a hard time being far away from Thor when they had been almost constantly together but he endured and they were back together on each vacation. Loki feared that he had lost interest in him but Thor's joy and the sexual feast they had each time they were back together eased up all his fears.   
Loki wanted to become a lawyer. Thor was getting ready to be his mother's next CEO. And it seemed a given that they were meant to be a couple, once they had graduated. 

Tony took back his father's enterprises, as was planned. Loki and him tried to remain friends but Tony had in his mind to reconcile with Pepper and it was hard to do so when he had Loki on his mind and in his life. They decided not to meet until things had not settled down in Tony's private life.   
And in truth, Loki still suffered from what Tony had done. It could not be forgotten that easily...

Loki had not much contact with his family. Except, surprisingly, with his brother Billy who, as Loki pleasantly discovered, turned out to be very supportive. Billy was also a little lost, not because of Loki's being gone and having a disputable sexuality in their family's eyes. It was that everything was nuclear between Nathalie and Larry. The first accusing the second of being a monster and a brute who turned away from their child (conveniently forgetting she had done nothing to prevent it) and the second accusing the other of being a useless drunk (pot and kettle...).   
A divorce sounded like the upcoming conclusion of all of this. Sadly, Billy was the only one to be sad and worried about it. Loki tried to help him as much as he could but he knew this was a sinking boat and Billy's best option was to run away.  
Loki couldn't help but feel responsible. Which was something Thor never managed to erase from his mind. 

The only thing left was Harry.   
One summer morning, before the Odinson moved out of town and before Loki and Thor joined college, the lovers were having a last walk in the park where they had fed the ducks on Loki's birthday. They were happy, strolling around the lake, careless and enjoying the sun. They even took the luxury of holding hands while no one was around. Progress had to be made.   
And then, Loki saw him, his brother, apparently also in a date with his latest conquest (who looked exactly like his previous conquest). He was like his old self, silent and moody. He was stuck in his perfect glory boy image, still in high school and all the spotlights of football, now that both Billy and Thor were gone.   
He had everything and nothing. Nothing that was real anyway.   
Loki, on the contrary, was cast out of their former world but he had a love and a life, far away from all this. 

The brothers exchanged a long look and then turned away.  
Thor had not realized what had occurred, having seen none of Harry.   
Loki pressed Thor's hand harder and there was nothing more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed yourself !


End file.
